Like many frustrated men, you may be asking yourself the following questions:
- My wife wants a divorce, but I don't know what to do.
- What steps should I take since my wife wants a divorce?
- Should I get a lawyer if my wife talks about divorce when I don't agree?
- My wife wants a divorce, but I love her!
- Are there ways to avoid divorce? (yeah!!)
At this point, avoiding divorce may seem far-fetched to you.
However, this is not beyond your reach.
It's even a lot easier than you think...
However, we are aware that if your partner:
- refuses to speak to you,
- swore never to love you again,
- gives the impression of not being interested in you anymore...
This puts you in a psychologically delicate situation.
Being alone in your apartment brooding over romantic memories is motivation enough to wander through blog posts to find an answer to the following questions:
- How do I regain my wife's trust to avoid divorce?
- Why do others succeed and not me? How do they do?
This is certainly a complex situation, but not a complicated one if you look closely. All the difference lies in the strategies that you will apply or not.
To make your life easier, we have therefore compiled for you 10 ways to avoid divorce.
And even if it depends on the context of each couple, you already put a lot of chances on your side if you:
- be objective,
- understand your partner's needs,
- have some skills to communicate constructively,
- renew your thoughts and perspectives on complex situations
If women are at the origin of three-quarters of divorce applications, it is because they no longer accept having a narrow life that locks them into habits and roles that do not suit them.
The objective of this article is to provide you with advice on how to save your marriage thanks to 10 ways that strengthen the bond with your wife who is filing for divorce.
1. Create a climate of admiration and gratitude rather than a climate of dissatisfaction.
John and Julie Gottman are a couple of American psychologists who decided to carry out a study that highlights the keys to the success and longevity of a marriage, and they discovered how a favorable climate can change everything!
Above all, avoid sulking or shutting yourself up for days.
It is a freedom and a deliberate choice to respond to your wife with gentleness, interest, positivity, or with severity and pessimism.
It requires you to make an effort to zoom out of your situation. This means that rather than seeing your difficulties through a keyhole, it is, on the contrary, to take height like a drone and look at the situation from a wide angle.
Realize that a divorce does not only have a targeted impact on your couple, but it would lead by domino effect to a whole series of changes in everyone's personal life, professional life as well, everyone's social life, your finances, projects, your extended families, your common heritage and the daily life of parenthood if you have children together.
So show your wife without judgment and without making her feel guilty, that the impact of a divorce is greater than it is possible to imagine and that it requires weighing the pros and cons in full awareness and above all without any impulsiveness.
It is possible that it did not take enough height to measure all the ins and outs.
Follow this logic of questioning the worst:
- What would be worse if you stayed together?
- What's worse if you get divorced?
- So what's the worst you're willing to risk?
By helping your wife to follow this questioning, she will be able to bring more awareness to her emotions through her answers.
2. Get off the radar and rekindle the lack
Radio Silence is a famous strategy whose benefits we keep telling you about at youcatchyman.
This technique is frightening and worrying, yet turns out to be a magic formula and one of the greatest and most effective techniques for regaining love.
Making a radio silence consists in a few words of literally getting off the radar of your wife who is asking for a divorce, to create the lack and encourage her to come back to you.
The advantage of radio silence is that it can take place regardless of your situation and the reasons for your breakup.
Know that you can make a radio silence while being in contact with your partner.
Let's go back to our article.
Radio silence is above all an attitude, a course of action and is not just about not talking to each other.
If your wife wants a divorce and you feel overwhelmed and helpless in this situation, then radio silence is THE solution that will allow you to set your limits.
Nevertheless, radio silence is a delicate strategy because if it is badly applied, it will cause the opposite effect!
This, therefore, requires you to show consistency between your attitude and your actions, while being attentive to the unmet needs of your wife.
Because if your wife wants a divorce because you are always absent and she suffers from not having enough conversation with you, in this case, Silence Radio would not be suitable!
So use common sense before you jump headlong into this technique.
3. My wife wants a divorce - Write a letter
What if writing a letter could change the decision of your wife?
You probably imagine that a simple letter will end up in the trash...
Besides, it's old-fashioned!
Don't be so worried, it's normal to feel stuck at the thought of sending a letter.
If it freezes you to the point of not taking action, then realize it means that you accept the failure of your reconquest.
It is not easy to face this reality, but you are an adult, and you are in a situation where you can no longer hide your face.
You see, a “simple letter” can bring big results because:
- you put your heart into it by writing it by hand,
- you take care to choose the paper, the ink, the envelope, and the stamp,
- you take the time to move around and send it,
- you are showing romance, and your wife does not expect to receive it (unlike an SMS or a WhatsApp message).
This is why writing a letter is an effective way if your spouse wants a divorce but you still love her.
Keep one thing in mind: your letter should in no way convince your wife not to divorce, and you should not make promises that you can't keep.
Go straight to the point, write on the back of a photo of the two of you, for example, 15 or 20 lines to revive a romantic memory.
This process of writing a letter is above all personal and intimate, but if you have a trusted person in your entourage, you could read it to them and ask for advice.
On the other hand, it would be inappropriate to have this letter read by a large number of people, one or two should be more than enough.
4. Break the routine
The habits developed in a couple and repeated week after week, every month, and every year can on the one hand create positive routines, but as you know, the routine can, on the other hand, be synonymous with boredom.
If the routine is necessary and inevitable, it, fortunately, does not sign the death of all couples.
On the other hand, if a woman wants a divorce because she is bored, you can break the monotonous routine by using your creativity to make each moment a little more special, with more attention to everyday details:
- little sweet words here and there,
- a hot water bottle at the bottom of the bed for cold winter feet,
- some flowers to color the dining table,
- a scented candle in the entrance,
- a crackling fireplace background as an image on the living room screen to visually warm the room,
- etc.
To break the routine each week, for example, force yourself to discover foods that are not usually part of your purchases.
In addition, you can simply offer a trip, a moment out of time where the mental load of everyday life will be less heavy to bear so that you can focus on your couple. It's not just a question of “proposing”, but of taking things in hand concerning the organization!
If despite all your efforts, your wife shuns your initiatives, you may be able to question her if she is not going through a period of depression that she is hiding or minimizing.
Above all, do not imagine that breaking the routine rhymes with expenses. You can also develop more good humor and simple and good-natured moments. It requires you to lead by example in terms of positivity and optimism, changing the atmosphere through music, dancing, and games.
5. Question yourself and become better
Your wife wants a divorce, but you don't! So to
seduce her, you will have to put in place lasting changes.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Am I mature enough?
- Am I a responsible, committed person who can be counted on?
- Am I too rigid or routine?
- Am I too jealous, too angry?
- How do I prove by my words and my actions that I am an added value in my wife's life?
Taking stock of yourself, and especially putting in place concrete changes is an essential technique to save your marriage.
If you have a bad habit of fluttering or cheating on your wife, you'll need to think hard about putting aside your bad faith, acknowledging your mistakes, and proving your sincere feelings.
Indeed, it is necessary to make changes that still seem accessible to you so as not to be a source of disappointment again.
You must therefore identify what will make you better and the way to achieve it in small steps to split your evolution and thus give you a maximum chance of achieving it:
- Do you need to progress in your communication?
- In the expression of your feelings?
- In your emotional management of frustration?
- In your ability to listen?
- In your presence for the balance of household chores?
So be a man who does not remain inactive, who proves his desire to make life less burdensome to bear, who gives himself the means to save his couple by becoming a better version of himself.
Don't be like a child who needs to be told things and goes up the stairs without even seeing that there is a laundry basket on the first step. Behave like a real business manager in your household, who sees needs, anticipates them, and organizes solutions.
6. Rekindle the magic of a new love story
The first kiss, the first embrace, and the first "I love you" addressed to your wife...
Do you remember?
It was maybe 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago, or more!
Yet these are moments that are ingrained in your memory, probably forever.
At the beginning of a love story, everyone cherishes the slightest glance, text message, or shared restaurant.
If your wife wants a divorce, but you don't, you may only have your pillow to hug at night in bed...
Why not ask your wife out on a new first date?
With this strategy, you could both agree on the conditions to put in place to recreate a period of seduction.
This can mean, for example:
- separate room,
- stop making love,
- to make an appointment,
- dress up for each other,
- consider that you have everything to learn from each other,
- etc.
By offering you this opportunity to live a second time absolutely all your first times, you may have the chance to discover that it is possible to say "I love you" differently, to kiss in another way and you will even be able to choose new love nicknames for you, take the opportunity to change your underwear, get a discreet symbol tattooed on a part of your body that she will discover later...
7. Consult a couple therapist or a sex therapist
Women are generally the first to offer this solution or go to consultations, and it's a shame!
Even if your first feeling is to think it's going to be useless, think again: therapy is always a good idea, whether on a personal basis or as a couple.
The hardest thing is choosing the "right" person to accompany us.
But relax, it's an experience to be taken with ease.
If the first meeting goes well, you continue! And if something tells you it's not working, (even if you can't quite explain what), well next, you make an appointment with someone else in the business.
You can also participate in a course that brings together couples:
- a course to learn massages,
- a dance class,
- an acro yoga course,
- etc.
Surprisingly, following an internship is often worthy of therapy around confidence and makes it possible to meet everyone's need for novelty and discovery.
Finally, a good number of those who have succeeded in regaining their wife's trust and a bond will tell you that this became possible thanks to outside help.
8. My wife wants a divorce - Treat yourself to a makeover
If you are led to take an interest in psychology and personal development, you could probably have a lot of clicks with Joe Dispenza and in particular his book: “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself”.
He says there indeed that to change your life, the first step is first to change your identity. If, for example, your identity is to be a brunette, you could consider going blonde for a while!
Does your wife want a divorce? Show her that you too are breaking up with the old you.
This approach should be particularly interesting for your wife who no longer wants you... Treating yourself to a makeover is an outward way of giving yourself a new self-image to publicly affirm:
- "I can change,"
- "I'm not a boring person,"
- "I can face the gaze of others, and besides, I don't care,"
- "I am changing, and it starts now."
Stylistically, your choices may not be the best unless you make sure you get the best advice on the matter. On the other hand, it will be an excellent experience to do.
Because external transformation is the first symbolic step in separation from the "old I".
It's a taste of the man you want to embody, who takes his life into his own hands rather than submitting to it and who, when he sees himself in front of the mirror, can feel capable of anything and not be afraid of almost nothing: not even from his wife who wants a divorce.
Do not forget that a man who asserts himself is always appreciated!
9. Rebalancing all forces
There are many areas through which one of the members of the couple can begin to feel a kind of injustice and unease, whether in:
- the division of household chores,
- the place of everyone's leisure,
- time with friends and family,
- workload,
- the weight of everyday life with the children,
- lack of sleep,
- emotional care,
- sexual desires,
- the financial needs of the household,
- spiritual beliefs,
- etc.
Moreover, according to a theory developed in the United States, couples are more likely to divorce when their alcohol consumption is different because researchers noted 50% of divorces among couples who had a different alcohol consumption, against 35% among those who had a similar consumption. Even if such a trivial aspect, you would be well advised to seek the balance of power!
In the event of an imbalance between the two spouses, it is easy for a couple to no longer share the same vision of life and forget all the good memories, and no longer know why they got together in the first place.
With this technique of rebalancing the forces, it is a question of taking a paper and a pen and listing factually and most reasonably possibly a healthier division.
This is an opportunity for you to question your wife to discover that she is part of herself, she has extinguished and would like to revive.
And you: you show yourself as an understanding person who sets the record straight to obtain a better balance between the “You”, the “Me” and the “We” so that everyone finds his happiness.
After a month of adjustments, your life should already be very different if you can create a new balance that becomes normal and permanent.
10. Make your point of view heard by someone else!
Your wife wants a divorce, but you don't: so you get tired of explaining to her at length that it's not possible, but she's not quick to listen to you...
So find the intermediaries who say substantially the same thing as you with one big difference: it's not you!
The entourage of a couple always greatly influences the decisions of their love.
When a couple of friends separate or if your parents are divorced, it is essentially an authorization for you to do the same...
On the contrary, if you frequent communities or places where marriage and family are lifelong commitments, both of you will be stronger in avoiding divorce.
For example, the paradise islands of Maldives have a very high divorce rate, so it is a destination to avoid in times of crisis.
So make a list of means that could communicate your message and give your wife hope and the desire to still believe in your story :
- some romantic comedies,
- testimonial books,
- podcasts,
- true story videos,
- songs,
- poems,
- couples who have already been there and are still together,
- comedy sketches,
- etc.
Keep hope alive as your wife rages like a stormy sea, and be a beacon in the night, steady and guarantor of the safety of the boat you both are still in despite the storm.
Also, invite couples to your home who inspire the example you would like to follow. Ask them sincere questions: everyone goes through difficulties, and it's completely normal.
The most common mistakes when trying to avoid a divorce
In conclusion to these 10 ways to avoid divorce, do not fall into the 12 traps that always lead away from a goal of regaining love, such as:
- Go too fast, too soon
- Begging
- Behave like a gnat
- Emotional blackmail
- Complain to all your acquaintances, family, colleagues, friends
- Being emotionally unstable
- Sleep with an ex
- Lacking curiosity in conversations
- Demand results
- Forget yourself
- Give an ultimatum
- Give up on your dreams
In the majority of cases, all of our tips help our readers and save couples.
But if your wife wants a divorce and you tried absolutely everything, there is one unavoidable and very trying stage that you will still have to go through: The collapses stage.
Physically and mentally, when you do not have the strength to fight to survive alone, do not forget that we are trying to give you the means to restore order in your world and boost your self-confidence.
“Someone once said to me: Life stages. The sweetest is love. The hardest part is separation. The most painful is the farewells”.
Excerpt from Sadness of the Elephant, by Nicolas Antona.
