There are many reasons why relationships fail. The most common relationship killers can be traced back to your behavior or the behavior of your partner. Here you can find out the top 30 relationship killers that can also occur in your relationship. You often only notice this when it is almost too late. In many cases, the causes of the failure of relationships only develop slowly and unnoticed.
In particular, if you never talk about your problems, there can be really serious problems that become more and more manifest. Many partners have this very problem, and it creates even more difficulties.
Many other things can hurt a relationship. It is of the utmost importance that you learn to recognize these signs and know how to prevent and correct them promptly. Always be aware that a relationship needs urgent work, it doesn't just go away without you doing something.
1. No respect from your partner
In many cases, there is a lack of respect from the partner. This can be due to the dominant behavior of the partner, for example. In this case, they often see themselves as something better or simply higher. In partnerships, communication is not at eye level but via hierarchical levels. In the long run, this can lead to real problems if you do not want to be suppressed any further.
Therefore, it is important that from the beginning of the relationship, mutual respect is distributed in similar proportions. This can be achieved above all with healthy self-confidence, e.g. by expressing your own opinion right from the start and setting clear boundaries.
You deserve better than living under a knapsack all the time. If you are always condescending towards them, they should do the same. It must be made clear to such people that in a partnership one always acts at eye level.
Otherwise, not only do you suffer from this problem, but also many others around you. Because this person behaves like this towards everyone if you don't stop them.
2. No time
Another relationship killer is the lack of time for the partner. This can have different causes. In many cases, the time-consuming job or wrong prioritization is the cause. This includes, for example, that they very often meet up with their friends instead of with you. The lack of time leads to a growing apart and can ultimately lead to separation.
The real reason for a relationship, being together, is called into question. If you notice that you have less and less time for each other, address the topic directly and say what is bothering you. Many couples also take days or evenings off when they meet regularly. That way you don't run the risk of unknowingly setting the wrong priorities.
3. Strong criticism
Another reason for a relationship killer can also be strong criticism. Many know this under the term "nagging". The nagger constantly points out faults that do not suit the partner. This can be, for example, appearance, education, earnings, or social behavior. Constant "taunts" that are not expressed directly but indirectly can also drive a wedge into the relationship. The regularity of the criticism is often decisive here.
It bothers everyone inherently when they are criticized. So it will bother you or your partner if criticism constantly rains down on one of you. If you are the originator of the criticism, you should urgently write it back. Of course, it's okay to point things out to your partner. But it shouldn't get out of hand.
So I like to take the example of the incorrectly expressed toothpaste tube. You just get upset that the squeezing of the toothpaste is on the right and not on the left and criticize your partner for it. This gets on your nerves, not only on you but also on those of your partner. Therefore, you should only point out major mistakes and never pick at trifles.
If something specifically bothers you, then address this topic consciously and in a serious conversation. This suggests to your partner that you are serious and that it is important to you. In the same way, as an upset person, you can take your partner aside and tell them that they have crossed a line and gone too far. It is also important here that you remain serious to show them the necessary urgency.
4. Not addressing wants and needs
If the partner's wishes and needs are never addressed, after a while they can feel neglected. This can lead to dissatisfaction and self-doubt within the relationship. Therefore, it is also important here that both sides are always heard when making decisions and that compromises are possibly made. A relationship between two people should always be balanced and take place at eye level.
You should also make sure that you sit down together regularly and talk about different things. Wishes should be voiced and respected. No matter how crazy and perhaps insecure it may seem, you should support your partner in every way.
So a changed job situation might create some tension and problems, but think about the benefits of having your partner realize. Only a happy and contented person can lead a happy relationship. Therefore, pay attention to the well-being of your partner.
5. Conscious change
Another relationship killer occurs when we keep wanting to change our partner and “nag” them. This can affect, for example, the clothes, the hairstyle, or the beard. The partner does not feel accepted and understood as they are. Especially if the criticism comes up regularly and is treated with suspicion, this can permanently damage the relationship. So try to accept them as they are.
This problem can also occur in women. Women want to change their men and get them to exercise more. Or you might want your partner to take off their glasses and wear contacts. Of course, you can still make a suggestion, but it shouldn't get out of hand and bother your partner.
It is also a no-go for men to tell their girlfriends that they are fat and the like. It is part of good behavior not to talk to someone too much and to criticize too much.
6. We don't share our wants and needs
Often due to a lack of self-confidence, wishes are not expressed that are decisive for the meaning and purpose of our lives and our partnership. If we don't or can't share our desires, dreams, and needs, this can also permanently damage the relationship. As a result, fewer changes can be brought about that have a positive effect on the relationship. Therefore, it is important that both sides can openly share their dreams and needs with each other in any way. Lay the foundation for it.
In any relationship, you must speak to each other. No one can read someone else's mind, which makes it all the more important that you share these thoughts. You need to be careful about when you say what and how you say it.
Your wants and needs are just as important as those of your partner. Therefore, sit down and talk to your partner regularly to consider all wishes and the like. If this is not done, then it may well be that the relationship comes to an end here.
7. We don't share our fears and concerns
Another important reason for the failure of a relationship can be that we do not share our own private life with our partner in terms of fears and concerns. This does not relieve us, and we carry this burden around with us for weeks, months, or maybe even years. In many cases, this leads to strong dissatisfaction, which we often take out on our partner. This can also lead to stress and arguments within the relationship. If we don't create a communication channel for our fears and concerns, this can also be the cause of a breakup in the long term.
Everyone is afraid of something. If you don't talk about it, but find excuses not to do something, for example, then your partner feels neglected and less important. If you don't talk about your fears, your partner can't take them into account either. You shouldn't do things that scare you and then blame your partner for them. Because they cannot know.
We also react very irrationally under stress and anxiety. Therefore it can easily happen that we blame our partner even though they have not done anything. It's because of fear, but if your partner doesn't know about it, you feel unjustly attacked. This is a very bad and serious relationship killer.
8. Relationship killers, lack of willingness to compromise
In many relationships, I hear again and again that one of the two insists on their rights and is not willing to respond to the wishes and needs of their partner. Or at least make compromises for it. This lack of willingness to compromise leads to a one-sided burden on the partnership. From now on, only one's interests are represented in this, and the dominant behavior does not show the willingness to respond to the wishes of the partner. Therefore, be willing to compromise even if the partner's solution doesn't appeal to you in the first place.
Because if you resist making any compromises, you will sooner or later chase your partner away. Compromises are an integral part of every relationship, and there is no getting around it. That's the only compromise you can make.
You must learn to compromise. For example, you might go to an Italian instead of a burger restaurant because your partner would prefer that. In return, make the compromise of going to the burger next time or going out for ice cream afterward.
Make as many compromises as possible and accommodate your partner's wishes.
9. Job - stress at work
A busy job can also put a heavy strain on a relationship. Above all, many academics, for whom the demands of the job are often very high and where there are strong career opportunities, suffer from this problem. As a result, they come home late and when they get home they fall into bed tired. Women who currently take care of the household and the children and have a part-time job often feel left alone by their partners in such a situation. The consequences are stress and arguments which can also lead to a breakup.If possible, stress should always be left at work and not simply brought home with you. It can be very difficult for your partner to always absorb the stress of work.
Just because you are feeling bad doesn't mean your partner is feeling bad too. That's why you should make sure to leave the stress at work as much as possible. However, if your partner brings stress with them, seek a clarifying conversation.
Because sometimes you are not aware of how hard you are trying and what kind of stress you are under. A conversation can help a lot. It may become abusive because you are still dealing with someone who is under stress. Speak calmly and slowly the entire time to de-escalate the situation.
10. We're slacking off
Do you know that feeling when the relationship was very exciting at the beginning and They constantly provided little surprises and impeccable behavior? This workload cannot usually be maintained for years. Love and sincerity are often called into question: “ You used to bring me flowers after work ”. The decline can also be traced back to increasingly proletarian behavior.
They no longer hold the door open and belch while eating. In short: They show their true self, which has just been covered by a small facade at the beginning. If a solution is not worked out together and the topic is actively addressed, another relationship killer can develop from it.
These things usually come up again after a short time in the relationship. Because no one can keep up a facade for long. Therefore, you will see these changes very quickly. However, when it comes up after a while in the relationship, it doesn't have so much to do with personality as it does when you're in a deadlock.
You take each other for granted and don't put so much effort into the other person anymore. This is very bad and will put a lot of strain on the relationship in the long run. Relationship killers are always something that only really strikes you when you think about it.
Using the sitcom as an example again, Sheldon and Amy and also Penny and Leonard have a framework agreement that prohibits and prevents such situations.
11. No goals for the relationship - everyday routine
It is also important that goals are set in a relationship because many relationships fall into a certain routine over the years. Day in, day out, just doing the same thing. You live together in front of yourself. If one of the partners recognizes this, but the other is not willing to change anything and would have to break out of their comfort zone to do so, this can also lead to the end of the partnership.
To counteract this, goals should be set together, and the further course of the relationship should be planned. This can include, for example, when a shared apartment should be moved into and when it is time for children. This keeps the relationship or partnership alive in the long run.
The daily routine is also death for many different things. I'm sure you've noticed in school how doing the same thing over and over again can get incredibly annoying over time. Or at work, you are simply not challenged as much as you would like.
These are all signs of everyday life. Also, try to keep the relationship fresh and exciting through travel, adventure, and shared memories. Relationship killers usually creep in slowly.
12. Financial situation
Another relationship killer can be the financial situation in the partnership. For example, if there is not enough money left at the end of the month to cover the rest of the month. Relationships are not only based on trust and charity but also on a healthy financial basis.
As soon as we fall below a certain monthly limit, this can lead to a permanent problem in the relationship, which poses a real challenge to the partnership.
Money is also an important thing in a relationship when one earns more than the other. This can lead to tensions, especially when the woman earns more than the man and the man then feels neglected.
While there's no shame in earning less, it often erodes people's self-confidence when the allocation isn't right. In this case, there isn't much you can do other than talk to each other and work out these disagreements.
13. No opinion of your own
Even if the partner is not able to express their own opinion on certain topics, this can permanently damage the relationship. It suggests a lack of self-confidence and is therefore not open to discussion. Or they are so shy that they just agree with everything you say. For example, not having an opinion of their own can be because the person has been strongly criticized for their own opinion in the past and this has left a strong mark on them.
Such people often have their own opinion, they just don't dare to express them. It is important that the person may share their own opinion with you. This is the only way to create a suitable counterpart for discussions within the relationship that will keep you both on an equal footing.
It will take a long time before you have finally established a conversation at eye level. Because it is not uncommon for such people to have a deep-seated psychological problem and therefore not be able to talk to you. With a lot of patience and effort, you can, of course, eradicate this, but it takes time, and you have to be able to muster it.
14. Not interested in their opinion
Just as bad as not having your own opinion is a lack of interest in your partner's opinion which can lead to relationship problems. This often makes the person feel left out and ignored. This leads to many different problems and a lot of frustration in the relationship.
All people have an opinion about something. If this is ignored, it can have serious consequences. It either leads to arguments, or the other person shuts themself off from the world entirely. However, it always leads to bad consequences that can easily be avoided.
Instead, also show interest in their personal opinion and try to incorporate their suggestions into a possible solution construct. Talking together and letting people have their say is very important in a relationship, and you can communicate with each other all the better that way. It is always appropriate that you establish one day of the week that is dedicated to only one partner at a time to make decisions and do things. This shows everyone that you can also take the wheel into your own hands.
15. Too high expectations
Even if the expectations of the relationship are too high, this can become a real relationship killer. In many cases, such expectations relate to the financial situation, the willingness to make sacrifices within the relationship, and personal behavior.
Nothing is as you initially imagined. Therefore, you should not expect too much from the start. If you dream yourself into fantasy, there is a high probability that you will be bitterly disappointed. Because life is not a wish concert and cannot always be what you imagine it to be.
Instead, lower your expectations and try to accept the current situation as it is at the moment. Discrepancies can be discussed in conversations with your partner to find a solution that both can sides accept.
16. Sex
A sexual relationship can also become a real relationship killer. Especially when the sexual desires and ideas are not satisfied or when the ideas about the common sex life are very different. The result is then that other sexual partners are seeking to satisfy their lust.
This always has bad consequences as you can certainly imagine. Therefore, it is better to respond to each other's wishes and not ignore them.
In this case, too, you should talk to your partner before the relationship comes to an end. Go into your sexual desires and try to harmonize them with the desires of your partner. A willingness to compromise is extremely important in this case in particular.
Of course, the world of fetishes and kinks is also open. If these do not match, you quickly have a very big problem. Then a compromise has to be found because you can't do anything else forever than you want to. This is where polyamory comes into play.
17. Unreliability
Do you know that? The partner is asked for something, agrees to it, and then does not fulfill their promise. The result is that they are more and more demoted as unreliable. Especially in crucial situations, this can become a real relationship killer if your partner shows up way too late for an appointment. Here, too, you should address the issue and consciously draw attention to the fact that the current situation is unacceptable.
In particular, unreliability becomes very annoying when it comes to dating. Then the partner cancels at the last second, they don't even get in touch or come much too late. A real relationship killer as it is in the book because nobody can stand something like that for a long time.
18. We make our partner feel guilty
We often make our partners feel guilty about achieving our own goals. For example in the following form:- "If you loved me, you wouldn't have..."
- "I was looking forward to it so much, but if it doesn't work..."
- "I would have least expected it from you."
We emotionally blackmail them because we learned in our childhood that a bad conscience makes us willing to admit it. Again, this is a behavior that can permanently damage our relationship. Because usually we notice the emotional blackmail sooner or later and try to defend ourselves against it.
Imagine you hit your partner, or they hit you. How would you feel Bad right? They would also immediately end the relationship and try to walk away. In any case, that would be the right consequence of such abuse. Then why is it that people are emotionally abused, and yet no one does anything about it?
19. Physical or domestic violence
This brings me straight to my next point. Physical or domestic violence is a criminal offense and usually contributes to the destruction of a relationship. In many cases, this happens due to the influence of alcohol and/or other drugs. The Violence Protection Act enables the family court to forbid the perpetrator from entering the shared apartment in the long term. The prerequisite for this is that the police are contacted.
If you are suffering from such violence, you should seek help immediately. I know. that this is often very difficult and is therefore rarely undertaken.
Men are often the victims who are least heard. A man being hit by a woman? So what is there? Yes, there is, and it's as bad as it is in women. But men are rarely heard or noticed.
20. Mental violence
To close the subject, let me address mental violence again. Mental violence such as psychological humiliation can also lead to an end to the relationship. This is often manipulated and traded passive-aggressively. For example, when the partner makes fun of the other person or makes disparaging remarks in the presence of friends. Couples therapy can be a way out of this.
Emotional and mental abuse go hand in hand and in most cases are carried out together. It can lead to serious psychological problems if it happens over a long period. There are a wide variety of options for how this violence can look like. The fact is that in most cases it is very bad and can have real consequences.
21. Jealousy problem
In many cases, jealousy is also a very neglected topic that is not considered a reason for the end of a relationship. Because often we don't even notice that we are destroying the relationship in the long term with jealousy. The causes for this often lie in strong self-doubt and low self-esteem. Sufferers believe that they are not good enough, intelligent enough, or attractive enough for their partner.
A strong fear of loss can also be a reason for exaggerated jealousy. Those affected are constantly afraid that they will be abandoned at any moment and that they can lose. But this strong jealousy only leads to more problems, to a relationship killer, which can give rise to a reason to end the relationship altogether. What confirms those affected is that they are often abandoned.
Since they are not convinced of themselves, they simply cannot imagine that there is someone who loves them. And that's why they're afraid their partner might be unfaithful and leave them. This frequently recurring problem can become a real strain on the partnership. Therefore, the best solution to combat jealousy is to rebuild the jealous person's self-esteem through therapy.
Of course, this can take some time, so you need patience and leisure in this matter.
22. Resentful
"Don't forget the keys again" is something you hear more often in relationships. Being resentful is often used as a means to make the partner feel guilty and to put their perfection in the foreground. In the long run, it is better to accept and put up with the situation after talking about it. Do not be resentful, otherwise, mistakes from the past will never be the conclusion.
If you do that, you usually have problems with yourself and are dissatisfied with yourself. Therefore, one tries to influence others to become better. But you don't help anyone with that, only the least people can see.
So the best thing to do is simply show that person what they are doing. This will lead to a phase of "I hold you against it" again, but it will improve the relationship in the long term.
23. We Cannot Forgive
Serious mistakes from the past should be forgiven if possible. The words "I forgive you" can ensure that a new chapter is started within the relationship. And that goes for both sides. Of course, it's not always possible to forgive, but if you do, do so honestly and sincerely and without being resentful afterward.Especially in the case of serious breaches of trust, the whole thing might never heal, and you won't forgive forever. Something like that can happen when cheating, for example. Worries, doubts and, above all, jealousy often remain, which you can never completely overcome.
It can be different from other breaches of trust or rather abuses. It is possible that after a while there will be real forgiveness. But if you don't achieve that, you're stuck with a real relationship killer.
The problem with a lot of this stuff is that you can't get away with it, and the problem only grows. That's how it is with forgiveness. If it never happens, but you always take it with you and never do anything differently, then you can't get out of the problem either. That's the danger with almost all relationship killer reasons because you stay in the rut in which you're already caught.
24. Long Distance Relationship / Physical Separation
Long-distance relationships aren't always easy. You can talk to each other on the phone, but in the long run, there is no physical contact. If you don't prepare yourself and your partner specifically for this, you risk the relationship failing.
Long-distance relationships always have the disadvantage that you cannot touch and cannot see each other in real life. It's always like that. In my opinion, long-distance relationships are very difficult, especially when you've never really met before. That always has the disadvantage that you only know each other virtually.
A long-distance relationship can work, only then do you have to plan and consider several things in advance. For example, both partners should already know each other in real life. Most long-distance relationships that end successfully are those where the partners were previously together and then separated.
Another point is that the best way to respect and accept each other is to set rules. Everyone wants different things and dislikes different things. That needs to be determined.
Finally, very good communication is essential.
25. We don't give the partner enough freedom
In many relationships, the partner is incredibly restrictive. For example, if they don't want you to go partying on Friday night. This is often accompanied by a pronounced form of jealousy. This form of deprivation of liberty can put a great strain on the relationship and ultimately lead to separation. Give your partner the freedom they need and start trusting.
Every good relationship needs space. You have to be able to be apart for a while before you can have a relationship. It's perfectly normal not to sit on top of each other all the time. This is good and also brings trust into the relationship.
Of course, if you prefer something else, that's no problem either, but it shouldn't end the fact that you don't give your partner any freedom. If they want to do something and do it alone, then it should be possible to the best of their knowledge and belief.
26. We narrow or cling to our partner
I put clinging in a relationship on the same level as obstructing and restricting freedom. When you can no longer be alone and when you are constantly called and asked where you are. Of course, that can just be overcaution and also make a certain sense. But you should still give your partner space because something is never good if you do it excessively.
Strong clinging can be a natural relationship killer. For example, if you follow your partner every step of the way and don't want to give it up anymore. Here it is advisable to give them the necessary freedom they need and respect their privacy. Especially when you want to move in together, respecting confidentiality and creating free space is incredibly important. This is the only way to live a lasting harmonious relationship.
27. Relationship killers: selfishness
Right after that, I would like to talk about a very important topic because egoism is the relationship killer in many relationships. It's all too easy to be a little selfish, but when it gets out of hand, it's a problem.This is especially true if you feel comfortable with every decision, but your partner doesn't. This is not a harmonious relationship but a toxic one. If you see or recognize such a relationship, you should urgently have a conversation with your partner.
If you think too much of yourself and the relationship is too one-sided, problems can arise in the relationship. Strong selfishness can doom a relationship to fail. Therefore, always think of your partner and how they are dealing with the situation. Try to say goodbye to your exclusively own good and think more as a team.
Selfishness is a bad relationship killer and should be avoided at all costs. If you or your partner are being selfish, then you should think about doing something about it.
28. Their Children
Children from previous partnerships are in themselves a good thing. You know that they have experience with children and can get involved in the relationship with a clear conscience. But what if the kids don't like the person, and it becomes real strife in the relationship?The question of who looks after the (strange) children to go out in the evening can also put a permanent strain on the relationship. Having your children would be a better way to deal with the situation.
Of course, there can always be a better situation, but it's always more difficult than you think.
Of course, there can always be a better situation, but it's always more difficult than you think.
29. Arguing about everyday things / irrelevant
Far too often I hear people arguing about trivial matters: " Why is your jacket still on the sofa ?" or " Can't you take your shoes off - I've told you a thousand times already? ". Little things like that can damage a relationship in the long run. The solution is very simple: Either you accept the situation as it is or you sit down and discuss the situation to finally be able to put the topic aside and close it.
Arguing about everyday things is never good because you are only arguing about trivial things, and it only creates tension. You don't solve any problems, you just create new ones. It's like the toothpaste tube that wasn't squeezed out properly. You are arguing about something completely boring and unimportant.
You can see that it's not about these things or about something that doesn't matter. But about a deep-seated problem that has still not been solved in the relationship. That's why you fight.
30. Family
Of course, the family can also be a relationship killer. The reason here is that you fight because of the family. Because sometimes it can be that the family does not like the partner. And that creates tension in the relationship. It's always exhausting and difficult when something like this happens.
Family can be a big reason to break up. The only thing you can do about it is showing to your family that your chosen partner is good. Or you just walk away from the family and don't care about them anymore.
Of course, that can be very hard, especially if you like your own family. Therefore, this step must always be weighed up and evaluated very carefully.
Conclusion: The Relationship killers
Many reasons can lead to the end of a relationship. Often it does not have to be just one reason but can also be a conglomeration of several reasons. But if you are aware of the relationship killers, you can pull out all the stops right from the start to prevent them from occurring in the first place. This is the only way you can be permanently happy in your relationship and lead a harmonious relationship in the long term. I wish you every success with this.