Cheesy Hollywood movies have shown us: the man has to bring flowers on the first date. Or at least chocolate. And if not immediately, then at the latest at the second or third date.
After all, women like attention like that...
Or not?
Could such gestures possibly be perceived as intrusive or flimsy?
Or does she expect you to come around the corner with a souvenir at some point during the getting-to-know-you phase? It might seem rude or stingy to always turn up empty-handed...
After all, women like attention like that...
Or not?
Could such gestures possibly be perceived as intrusive or flimsy?
Or does she expect you to come around the corner with a souvenir at some point during the getting-to-know-you phase? It might seem rude or stingy to always turn up empty-handed...
Oh man, the whole thing is confusing when looking for a partner for us men!
As a gentleman, you're racking your brains over the question of whether and which gift is appropriate for your first date - or at least for the second date. Sure, you don't want to make a mistake and scare away your loved one with the wrong gift.
In your mind, you can already see the embarrassing scene, how the lady accepts your gift with a frown, or how she smashes the bouquet of red roses right in your face.
"Oh, he gives me such a cheesy bouquet and chocolates. What's this pseudo-romantic gesture? Does he have any high expectations now, like I'll sleep with him as a thank you, or I'll start a relationship with him straight away?"
Such an indirect "barter" builds up a lot of expectation pressure, and psychologically it borders on blackmail or at least bribery.
However, you should only give a little something on the second date and not overdo it. It's still too early for expensive things like a bound book or jewelry! In addition, she should not think that you are trying to impress her with your money.
So, what can you bring as a second-date gift? What do you give someone you just met?
Here are the best tips and gift ideas for you as a man:
In any case, keep your souvenirs small, otherwise it will seem as if you want sex that evening in return or have other great expectations. This could create tremendous pressure and ruin your date.
Just give her things that you can use for the evening together:
As a gentleman, you're racking your brains over the question of whether and which gift is appropriate for your first date - or at least for the second date. Sure, you don't want to make a mistake and scare away your loved one with the wrong gift.
In your mind, you can already see the embarrassing scene, how the lady accepts your gift with a frown, or how she smashes the bouquet of red roses right in your face.
In this article, I will therefore answer the two crucial questions:
- at which point in the getting-to-know-you phase, you should give women something
- what you can bring to the date as a potential partner so that the lady is happy and likes you even more
If you follow the tips and ideas below for your dates, you won't put your foot in it like the famous elephant in a china shop - you'll appear as an attentive man who knows how to deal with women.
So much can already be revealed: A great, homemade gift is available for little money or even free of charge.
First date gifts: why you shouldn't bring a gift on a first date?
Should you give something on the first date if you are looking for the woman of your dreams for a relationship? Simple answer: no! Nothing at all! Not even a trifle, like a single rose or chocolate in a small box of chocolates.
A first-date gift is just too much, an over-the-top gesture.
Incidentally, this also applies to souvenirs for special occasions such as Valentine's Day, Christmas, birthdays, or Easter.
You can pay the bill and buy the woman her coffee, provided your meeting goes well and your chemistry is correct.
There are various reasons in flirt psychology why it is not a good idea for singles to bring something with them on the first date:
1. You don't know how well you guys get along
Imagine you met on an anonymous dating platform like Tinder – and when you meet in person, the online acquaintance turns out to be a real beast. She is moody, has no table manners when eating, and nags you.
Sure, that's the worst case, but it can still happen when looking for a partner...
In such a case, she certainly wouldn't have deserved your gift on the first date, Right?
You only give gifts to people you like, and you can't even know that before your first date.
2. You prematurely reward them with your gift
In addition, if you bring a bouquet to the first date, it's (almost) in the truest sense of the word "pre-compliment" a woman. This means that you are giving her a gift, even though she has not done anything for her other than meeting you.
Therefore, even small gestures come across as too submissive on a romantic date.
Instead of such fluff, you should only give a lady something to reciprocate for her positive behavior afterward.
It can be all sorts of things: she compliments you, drives you home after your date, invites you for a bratwurst, or kisses you.
3. The souvenir can seem intrusive
When men give attractive women something when they are looking for a partner, it is usually not out of sheer kindness. Instead, they hope for something “in return” for their gift on the date—namely, attention, sex, and love.
Of course, the female singles know and feel such ulterior motives very well.
The woman could be very uncomfortable with your gift if she has the feeling that you expect something from her in return and that she owes you something.
The more expensive your gift, the more pressure she will feel.
In the worst case, she will think:
Such an indirect "barter" builds up a lot of expectation pressure, and psychologically it borders on blackmail or at least bribery.
4. You don't know their dislikes and likes
For a successful gift on the first date, you probably don't know what the woman likes and what not.
Imagine you give her chocolate filled with nuts - and then she tells you, embarrassed, that she has a nut allergy. Or she hates flowers and doesn't dare tell you that.
What I want to make clear to you: Any souvenir, no matter how small and seemingly harmless, is likely to put your foot in it because you don't know the person you're talking to well enough.
5. You take the tension out of your flirtation
Surely you've heard of the fact that you should let women fidget when dating.
That means you should be a bit secretive when looking for a partner and leave your loved one in the dark about whether you even like her or not. This uncertainty is the feeling that brings thrills to the flirt and drives the lady crazy.
However, if you bring her a flower or other gifts on the first date, she will know that you have a very strong interest in her.
With this, you lay the cards openly on the table and immediately take the excitement out of getting to know each other because the lady then knows exactly that she has you "in her pocket".
6. She gets embarrassed when she doesn't have anything for you
Have you ever experienced the situation at Christmas when someone gave you an unexpected gift - and you were embarrassed because you didn't have anything to "give back" to the person at that moment?
" I'm sorry, I don't have anything for you now... " one mumbles coyly.
Well, you know how the woman might feel when you shove a gift in her face on a first date, and she comes away empty-handed.
Such embarrassment kills the romantic mood between you and you are then busy trying to save the situation between you.
7. You are already the best "gift" on a date
I don't mean to sound arrogant. I just want to show you the self-confident attitude with which you can appear on your date when looking for a partner.You give the girl your time, your attention, and good conversations when dating - including your humor with which you make her laugh. That's the greatest gift you can give her on this planet, and it's all "free."
Thus, the gift of the date is not the crucial thing that matters in the getting-to-know-you phase. Trying to impress her is pointless. The most important thing is good conversations and having a good time together.
So it's better to look for good date ideas for exciting activities instead of a souvenir!
See yourself as valuable, then you don't have to give her any material things to compensate for a missing personality as a man.
To put it simply: Bring a good mood to your date, that's enough!
8. Women don't fall in love with your gifts
Getting to know each other should be the focus of attention during a date.
No matter how much she loves chocolate, jewelry, and cute teddy bears - if she doesn't like your personality, she won't fall in love with you either. Not to mention getting into a relationship with you.
A woman only falls in love with a personality, not with material things.
So it's better to look for good date ideas for exciting activities instead of a souvenir!
Should I bring flowers on a first date?
Even if Hollywood romance films, parents and good friends keep giving you this tip: Bringing flowers to the first date is one of the biggest mistakes when looking for a partner! It doesn't matter whether it's a colorful mixed bouquet or a single rose!
There are several reasons why you should let something like this go:
- Giving flowers seems very old-fashioned, obsequious, and cheesy when dating - and almost "smells" like a marriage proposal or other high expectations.
- It's pretty cliche, unimaginative and impersonal, after all any man can come up with the idea.
- A flower is often bulky and draws a lot of attention because the woman cannot easily stow it in her purse. You might be quite embarrassed if everyone around you can see that you're on a date.
So leave the flowers in place and save them for the next time you visit your grandma! In the context of a romantic date, the "flower power" just isn't appropriate.
Second date gift: the best ideas
From the second date, things slowly become more “serious” between you. Here a souvenir can be a nice gesture to express your appreciation and to get closer to the other person. Especially since you now know her better and (hopefully) know exactly what you can do to make her happy.However, you should only give a little something on the second date and not overdo it. It's still too early for expensive things like a bound book or jewelry! In addition, she should not think that you are trying to impress her with your money.
So, what can you bring as a second-date gift? What do you give someone you just met?
Here are the best tips and gift ideas for you as a man:
1. Give her personal things instead of kitsch!
The most important rule when dating is: Avoid typical gift ideas such as bouquets, perfume, or chocolate. It's unimaginative, impersonal, and pretty boring. Vouchers also act as if you are unsure what to give her and have no idea of her taste.
Cheesy things like roses, heart-shaped chocolates, and teddy bears are also Inappropriate gifts on a second date. It seems too exaggerated as a gesture.
The same applies to gift items with love sayings printed on them. Reading something like that can be embarrassing for your female counterpart. After all, when looking for a partner, the woman should not get the impression that you want to marry her right away!
Instead of the usual run-of-the-mill gifts, you should rather listen carefully on the date and find out their special preferences, also through inconspicuous questions.
Knowing this, you can surprise the girl with some personal attention, such as:
- Coffee mug, cutting board, or storm lighter with a specific motif
- Quality tea from the tea shop or a good wine
- A cool poster to hang (of musicians, movies, paintings, etc.)
- A paperback by an author she enjoys reading
- Food, for example, homemade muffins or finger food
- and much more.
As you can see, pretty much anything that isn't too expensive or too heavy and bulky to carry is allowed. So, be attentive in the conversation and remember exactly what things she likes.
When it comes to the right date gift, she'll think, "Wow, he listened to me and knows what I like - not like the other unimaginative men!"
This shows that you are an empathetic partner who cares about your loved one.
2. What flowers to bring on the second date?
A single rose or a whole bunch of flowers is pretty cheesy and unimaginative when it comes to dating because pretty much every guy gets the idea. But that doesn't mean you can't gift plants to single women at all.
The best thing is to give the woman a special plant that you know she likes.
For example, on the last date, did she say that she thinks a certain flower is great or that she needs it for her garden? Or have you discovered an impressive collection of orchids in her apartment? Then you can give her such plants.
She will be delighted that you have noticed her preference for flowers.
Another tip: If you can't think of anything at all, you can also bring her a small cactus or bonsai, as long as it doesn't cost too much money. This is still more creative than the usual bouquet.
3. Make her a spontaneous surprise!
A gift for a date does not always have to be planned well in advance, but it can also be bought spontaneously. You always have the best ideas when you're not specifically looking for something, right?
Suppose you are walking through a flea market, for example, and your companion discovers a beautiful decoration that she turns in her hands with obvious enthusiasm.
Then you can say, "Hey, you know what - I'll give you the thing for free!"
Or you suddenly see an ice cream parlor while taking a walk in summer, and you buy the two of you an ice cream cone for little money.
4. Give her an activity for two!
When looking for a partner, it doesn't always have to be objects that you give the woman. Instead, you can also bring a nicely written card to your date saying that next time you are inviting her to the zoo or a concert, for example.
Find an activity beforehand that you both enjoy! You can inconspicuously ask your Mrs. Right what she likes to do in her free time.
This can be anything, such as:
- An evening of bowling for two
- Eating out in an exotic restaurant
- An afternoon at the amusement park
- Visit an impressive art exhibition
- Go skating
- And many more date ideas
The advantage: You give her a shared experience linked to positive emotions. That's better than a rose wilting somewhere on the windowsill, isn't it? And if she accepts your enterprising gift, you're sure to have your next date with her in your pocket!
5. Assorted bag from the booth instead of chocolates!
Want to give the lady sweets, but do without non-imaginative ideas like chocolate? My tip: Get her a mixed bag from the booth, the kiosk, the drinking hall (or whatever these sales outlets are called in your region...).
That may sound a bit silly for dating at first, but it's not at all.
You can have a mixed bag individually filled with wine gums, licorice, and other sweets, just as you both like it. In addition, certain sweets bring back great memories of childhood and youth.
Das ist pure Nostalgia!
6. Give her a creative date gift!
Women like men who are good with their hands. If you have two crafty hands, one of the best gift ideas is to make something creative for your loved one.
And no, by DIY, I don't mean animals made out of chestnuts and toothpicks like I used to have in kindergarten.
But really good ideas are, for example, a self-made candlestick or bottle opener made of wood in an individual design. Such small gifts on the date look great, are useful, and the lady always has to think of you in everyday life when she uses the thing.
If you use old, discarded furniture parts as starting material for handicrafts, such a gift is even free.
Google the internet for building instructions!
7. First date at her house – what to bring?
What should you give the woman if you have a date at home soon? In a situation like this, you don't have to think long.In any case, keep your souvenirs small, otherwise it will seem as if you want sex that evening in return or have other great expectations. This could create tremendous pressure and ruin your date.
Just give her things that you can use for the evening together:
- A bottle of wine
- Small homemade desserts such as tiramisu, quark, or muffins
- Special types of beer (craft beer)
- Popcorn, snack food, and candy for the film
More gifts in the "getting to know you" phase
What happens after the second date? Should you bring a gift on the 3rd or 4th date? That's completely okay, as long as you don't become a "money donkey" when looking for a partner, who showers the lady with new gifts every day.
A small gift now and then expresses appreciation and signals that you are still interested in a relationship with her.
And the closer you get to each other during the getting-to-know-you phase, the more expensive the gifts can tend to be – after all, you have become important to each other. However, the rule still applies not to overdo it with your attention.
Expensive things like jewelry and handbags should only be given to your wife when you are in a stable relationship with Mrs. Right! Otherwise, the impression arises that you want to "buy" the love of the chosen ones or impress them with your money. Or you come off as a weak man who lets his gold-digger bride take advantage of you.
These are small gifts during the introductory phase that you can bring with you:
1. USB stick with music - your favorite songs
Did you find out while dating that you have similar tastes in music, and you chat about your favorite musicians?
Then music is the perfect gift idea for the date: Put all the songs you both like on a USB stick. You then write your name on it, for example: "From Tom, for Kathi".
So she can listen to her favorite music for hours and always have to think of you!
2. A framed photo of you two
If you are doing something exciting during your date, you spontaneously pull your phone out of your pocket and snap a cool selfie of the two of you. Or you ask passers-by to take a picture of you.
Did the snapshot succeed? Then print it out and put it in a nice little picture frame.
Such a gift on a date is a great reminder of your experiences together!
3. Invitation to the wellness weekend
In the getting-to-know-you phase, you should also do bigger things from the third or fourth date onwards. Especially if you are aiming for a serious relationship and would like to spend more time together as a potential partner.
That's why it's a good idea to give the woman a short vacation together.
My tip: How about a relaxing wellness weekend, where you both let yourself be pampered with a thermal bath, sauna, and massages? Here at the latest, you can see the beautiful bathing mermaid in a hot bikini, and in the whirlpool, you will surely get closer to the point of temptation to kiss and go to bed.
Seen in this way, this wellness trip is not only a date gift for HER but also for yourself!