I Broke Up With Him and He Didn't Chase Me. Why?

It's over. You separated Since the relationship ended, there has been little contact. And now you also feel (or are you 100% sure) that he is ignoring you, and you also noticed that he didn't chase you. I want to help you with this article. I will answer the question "Why isn't he chasing me after the breakup?" respond.

I will also tell you what you can do now so that your relationship will improve again quickly. It doesn't matter whether you want to win him back or just want to develop a friendly relationship with him. Please read the article carefully to the end so that you learn everything important.

I Broke Up With Him and He Didn't Chase Me. Why?

I broke up with him and he didn't chase me: 9 reasons

There are various reasons why guys don't chase their ex after the breakup. The problem is that you will never know 100% which one is there. But what he is telling you is that he is currently not interested in speaking or texting you. You should respect that.

1. He wants to make it clear that he's fine

This is perhaps the most common reason for your ex-boyfriend's behavior, as your ex didn't chase you after the breakup because he wanted to play the strong man and to show you that he can get along well without you and that he "doesn't care" about the breakup. He wants to hide his hurt behind his tough facade. This reason mostly comes up when it was you who broke up. 

2. He is unsure 

Many men feel uncomfortable around their ex-girlfriends. They don't know how best to behave. The situation overwhelms them. The best way for them to avoid this is to distance themselves from their ex-partner. They often have a guilty conscience when they have left the woman. Or they are emotionally hurt from being abandoned. Men can't always handle these powerful feelings properly. What comes out of it, you might see in your ex right now.

3. The contact with you hurts him

This is mostly true when it was you who broke up with him. He has a strong sense of lovesickness. It's a big wound, and every time he sees you it reopens. The only way to mitigate it a bit is to get out of your way and not contact or chase you.

I felt the same way when I was abandoned. Every time I see my ex-girlfriend at the university, I feel severe pain. It hit me in the face like a hammer blow. I realized I had lost the woman I loved forever, and things would never be the same again. Maybe your ex-boyfriend is going through the same thing right now.

4. He wants to get over you

That goes with the last point. Men are (mostly) rational people. We only act emotionally out of effect. It takes a little bit after a breakup to realize what happened and accept that it's finally over. This happens very quickly for some men, others never get to this point.

However, once men see that this one particular woman isn't going to work out, they become very pragmatic. They want to get over the breakup as soon as possible. And logically, that only works if you completely banish your ex from your life. As a rule, men do not want to have any contact with their ex after a breakup, let alone chase them. The men who wish to do it often only hope for a love comeback.

5. He wants to reinforce his decision

This point only comes up if it was he who left you. If you are sure that emotional hurt could not be the reason he didn't chase you after the breakup, it likely applies to you as well.

Your ex-boyfriend wants to defend his decision and reassure himself that breaking up with you was the right thing to do. However, this also means that he is subconsciously unsure whether he has acted wisely. So it's ultimately just a subset of the second reason I described.

You have to understand that people rarely break up out of effect. They often ponder this decision for several months and weigh the pros and cons very carefully. But when they take this step, they will always convince themselves afterward that they did everything right. When suspicions arise, they may take drastic measures and ignore their ex completely.

6. You're getting on his nerves

This is also a common reason your ex didn't chase you after the breakup. You see no other way out. Question yourself about how you've been behaving since the separation. Did you keep texting him or calling him? Did you discuss the breakup with him and kept presenting your "arguments" against him?

You don't have to be surprised that he eventually stops responding to your messages if you don't leave him alone. You may have thrown bad words at him in your anger. So your behavior after the breakup could have caused him to behave this way.

If you think you may have overdone it a bit, now you must ask his forgiveness. Write him a short message and apologize for it. Then don't get in touch with him for at least four weeks.

7. He wants you to suffer

In particular, your ex-boyfriend seeks revenge on you after the breakup by making you suffer.

It may very well be that this is also a reason why your ex didn't chase you after the breakup. A relationship is very emotional for both parties. Shortly afterward (in contrast to reason 4.), men tend to behave emotionally. He is angry with you because he thinks you are "wrong". He is sad about the breakup because you brought him a lot of negative feelings.

He wants to make you feel the same pain and sadness. And he thinks the best way to punish you is to ignore you and don't chase you after your breakup.

8. He wants to make himself interesting

There is something to the flirting tip "If you want to be valid, make yourself rare". It can work wonders even after a breakup. You may have already stumbled across the term contact blocking.

Many people inform themselves about the topic "Ex back" after a breakup. Your ex may have done it too if you left him or if he now regrets breaking up with you.

9. He has a new one

Sometimes it happens that after a breakup, a man very quickly finds a new girlfriend. Whether this relationship really means anything to him or just helps him get over you, is anyone's guess.

Despite this, there is a chance that he has completely lost interest in you. On the other hand, he may also want to make you jealous to present himself as interesting again (compare the last reason). In this case, too, he will treat you like air to show you that you would be history for him.

What should you do if your ex didn't chase you after a breakup?

1. Make up with him

The first step is to get rid of everything that is between you. If you said or did things that weren't okay and that you now regret, you need to apologize for them. This isn't about what he said or why you behaved the way you did. If there's something you have to hold onto, you should admit your mistakes. And if not, then not.

Write him a short message about that. In this, you should only tell him your regrets about your behavior, but nothing more. Have no expectations of your ex. You don't know how he's going to react, and you shouldn't care either. If he doesn't reply, so be it. He may not forgive you either. You cannot influence that.

Hi Mark,
I want to apologize to you. For the mean things, I used to say to you. That was not okay, and I am sincerely sorry. 

Your Christine

I have shown you a sample message above. You could phrase it like this.

2. Leave him alone (after that).

You must distance yourself from your ex and give them the space they need. He doesn't want any contact with you right now. You should accept that.

If you wrote him the apology message beforehand, you must not write any more messages afterward, regardless of whether or how he should react to it.

The break in contact should last about 4-6 weeks. During this time, you both have the opportunity to heal the pain of the breakup. The negative emotions he currently associates with you will fade more and more. After that, it's time to reestablish light contact.

3. Reconnect carefully

What should you do if your ex didn't chase you after a breakup?

After the contact break, you can text him via WhatsApp. You have to see how he will react to that. But I can tell you from experience that in most cases you will get a positive answer. If he continues to ignore you and doesn't chase you, you need to accept it and forget about your ex. It is also not necessary for two ex-partners to keep in touch with each other (except if they have children together). If that's what he wants, you can't change it.

However, if he does text back a nice reply, you can strike up a little chat with him. Try to only discuss positive things when you do this to make him feel good. In any case, don't blame him, don't start talking about the old relationship and problems, and avoid anything that could cause arguments between you.

4. Build a friendly relationship

In the following weeks and months, you need to establish a relaxed and uncomplicated relationship between you. But please don't rush it. You need to assess how interested he is in communicating with you. As a next step, you can, for example, call him to chat a little. If he does, you can even ask him for a little meeting.

This is how you will ensure that you two remain friends. However, if you want more, that is, you want to get him back so badly, then you should read this article.


Most of the time, your ex didn't chase you because of your behavior before and after the relationship ended, but possibly also in the separation itself. So it's all you have to do is apologize for the mistakes you have made and give him the space he needs. After at least a month, he will have overcome the pain of separation. Then you can get in touch again with him via WhatsApp.

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