My Ex Is Harassing Me Through Text – What Should I Do?

My ex is harassing me through text: how do I stop him?

Harassment is a problem that plagues many separated couples.

It can be the cause or one of the effects of the rupture. Often linked to great suffering and distress in the person who harasses, it can become unbearable for the victim.

Should you file a complaint against your ex for harassment? How do I react if my ex harasses me?

What if my ex threatens me?! Here is a guide that will allow you to avoid the pitfalls of harassment in your relationship or during your romantic reconquest.

My Ex Is Harassing Me Through Text – What Should I Do?

Definition of Harassment

Harassment is an invasion of a person's living space in such a way that they feel watched or pursued against their will.

Why is he harassing me?

Your ex either wants to put pressure on you to get a reaction or to "let off steam", hoping to give you back your coin, i.e. to make you suffer as much as he/she suffered.

Most often, harassment is made up of repeated facts, sometimes minimal, but the accumulation of which quickly becomes unbearable.

Recognize harassment:

  • your ex constantly calls you or regularly sends you messages/letters/SMS;
  • your ex asks you questions about your private life, especially sentimental ones;
  • your ex makes sure to meet you as soon as the opportunity arises, he knocks on your door or makes noise under your windows;
  • your ex blames you, insults you, or says nasty things about you in front of those around you (including virtual ones);
  • he harasses your relatives (next, circle of friends, family);
  • it holds you back every time you want to leave. He cries, threatens you, blackmails you into suicide;
  • he tries to kiss you or is violent.
But what's wrong with calling my ex to check on him? Will he say! Nothing… if you agree! Harassment begins when one imposes his presence, and the other undergoes it against his will.

My ex is blackmailing me, giving me an ultimatum, promising to say bad things about me to the kids if I don't come back into his life.

What to do if my ex is harassing me

  • Block all contact with your ex. Do not try to answer him with arguments or explanations, everything you do or say will only push your ex to new questions, to new demands. His distress and loss of bearings are boundless, and you will not be able to remedy it. Cutting ties will prevent your ex from having access to you, and will probably be beneficial for him too, because any gesture on your part will raise new questions in your ex.
  • The worst horrors you can say won't scare your ex away, because you are his only point of reference. You may be able to push him out at first by being naughty, but it won't last. If you are obliged to see your ex (work, cohabitation) and suffer his harassment, the only practical attitude is indifference. Do not react, do not answer, and ignore his tears, reproaches, and his questions. Your ex is trying to make you react, if you don't react he/she will end up giving up.
  • In the event of serious acts (attacks, insults), always be accompanied. The presence of witnesses will, in principle, have a deterrent effect. You can also file a complaint if you consider that your physical or psychological integrity has been violated. American law condemns domestic violence regardless of the status of the couple (marriage, de facto partners, or ex-partners), and harassment is a form of violence. Complaints usually also have a deterrent effect. If your ex apologizes, do not withdraw the complaint, you will lose credibility and risk that he/she starts again.

What your ex should know about harassment

When you harass your ex, you are showing off your dependency and your weakness, and at the same time, you are not respecting your ex's living space, which will run away that much further.

You are therefore ruining all your chances of winning back, not to mention that you can get yourself into serious trouble. Pick yourself up and cut ties, it's the only way to rebuild yourself.

My ex is threatening to leak naked photos of me...

We have been together for a long time, and he is ready to throw everything on the Internet and at my students (I am a college teacher).

I decided to file a complaint, it made the cops laugh, but at least I'm covered (I warned him).

If your ex is harassing you, remember that his goal is to break you down; ignore his presence.

Your ex is trying to keep some relationship with you, if you react he/she will have succeeded.

If you abandon him/her, your ex will think he/she has lost you and question himself. Infallible!

My ex is harassing me through text

The harassment through text by your ex is extremely frequent, it is one of the most recurrent prohibitions because often, we do not realize that we are harassing. Only afterward do we realize how far we have gone too far.

If your ex doesn't realize how much he's harassing you through text, don't hesitate to follow Nolwenn's example:

We leave on good terms, I think everything is fine, and there, he harasses me through text! I tell him once, twice to calm down, but he doesn't stop and tells me I'm paranoid. I decided not to answer him anymore. I let him text me and wait to see. At the end of the month, I sent him an e-mail with screenshots, the times he had written to me, etc. In short, he already understood that he had gone too far!

I harassed my ex: decoding his behavior

If you harass your ex, it is very possible that you reap the following reactions:

Insults from your ex

At the slightest word from you, your ex calls you names and says atrocious things ("I never had fun with you", "you ruined my life", "you're a piece of trash "…). Horror nails you to the spot, he/she has never treated you like this...

But his behavior has two possible explanations. The first possibility, your ex is fed up with your harassment and out of anger, thinks everything you heard (even if he/she knows it's not true).

The second explanation, your ex is desperate to get rid of you and treats you obnoxiously in hopes of getting you to leave.

Of the coldness, of the distance on his part

Your ex seems icy, in no way moved by your tears and your pleas, or even tells you clearly that he/she never loved you. You, of course, conclude that all of his grand claims were lies.

It's wrong.

Your ex loved you and is not indifferent to your pain, but he/she is afraid to encourage you by showing signs of emotion.

Once again, his behavior is only intended to alienate you and is not spontaneous.

Despite his cold and hateful attitude, here is what your ex feels about your behavior: pity, fear (for you or himself), annoyance, fed up, disgust, and contempt.

She harasses me relentlessly for months and admits to me overnight that she needs me to get away from her...

This type of reaction is not surprising: the ex cannot help but harass as long as you are "there", under his nose.

Mary had sent us an email entitled “My ex-husband is harassing me, what should I do? ".

We advised her to physically distance herself if she had the chance. She could, and it worked!

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