Never Had a Girlfriend? 7 Best Tips to Find a Relationship

Many men write me e-mails that (roughly speaking) say:

“Hey Andy, I'm desperate now. My problem: I never had a girlfriend. Relationship and love, something like that is a foreign word for me. As a male virgin, I never had sex either. What should I do? I just do not know how to go on…"

It is indeed a situation that can deprive one of sleep at night.

You feel lonely and afraid of missing out on the most beautiful thing in life - especially when you see couples in love everywhere.

Then you ask yourself at some point while pondering:

"Why is it so easy for other people to find a partner, but not for ME? Why does no woman or girl want me? What's wrong with me?

But don't worry, you're not doomed to be single forever. Do not give up hope!

In this article, I will explain to you the possible reasons why you have never had a girlfriend at the age of 18, 20, 30, or 40.

At the same time, I will give you tips on how to solve your problems so that you can soon find the right partner for a fulfilling relationship.

Come on board with me, sailor, together we will steer your ship into the harbor of love! :-)

Never Had a Girlfriend? 7 Best Tips to Find a Relationship

The feeling of never having had a girlfriend

From the numerous conversations I have had with many men of all ages, I know exactly how you feel. The more of the following points apply to you, the higher your level of suffering:
  • You feel deep loneliness and longing for a partner - especially when you see couples in love everywhere.
  • You are secretly jealous of the other men who regularly get beautiful women (at parties, for example).
  • You're desperately wondering what these guys have that makes them so successful with the opposite sex (while you're out of luck and constantly getting nothing).
  • You ask yourself what is “wrong” with you, which is why no woman has been interested in you for years.
  • At some point, you think you're just not "good enough" as a man and consider yourself a "failure" that nobody likes.
  • You get the (rather irrational) notion that some kind of "curse" or "destiny" might mean that you'll never find a girlfriend, and there's nothing you can do about it.
  • You feel ashamed in front of friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, and your family - and fear that they might consider you a "failure" or "gay".
  • But you also feel deep shame as an eternal single or male virgin. Because you are so embarrassed about your problem, you hide it from almost everyone.
  • You have the feeling that you are missing out on far too many beautiful moments in life when it comes to love and sex as well as support and security.
  • In general, you feel like you are falling behind more and more over the years because men of the same age have much more experience than you.
  • When you get to know each other on a date, you fear probing questions about how long you've been single or why your (non-existent) previous relationships failed. You then become embarrassed and don't know how to answer such a question.
  • If you've never had sex before, you're very scared of going to bed with a woman. Eventually, she might notice your virginity, which you are ashamed of.
  • Maybe you have dates sometimes, but then the women don't get in touch anymore.
  • You experience how family members, acquaintances, or friends get married and have children while you haven't even had your first relationship.
  • You think you're disappointing your parents by not "giving" them grandchildren.
  • At some point, you become afraid of the future. You fear growing old lonely, and alone without a partner by your side.
Understandably you have a really bad feeling and are frustrated and unhappy as a so-called "absolute beginner".

But how serious is your situation? How easily can you change something about it? Of course, I can't give you a general answer here because it also depends on your age:

At 18 still never had a relationship as a man

Hey, I can reassure you: it's completely normal to never have had a girlfriend at your age. I know many who are like that. And according to statistics, every fourth 18-year-old man is in a situation where he has never been in a relationship.

And about one in three 18-year-olds have never had sex with a girl.

So don't worry, you are no exception!

And: you are just of legal age, your life as an adult is only just beginning. The best is still ahead of you, so to speak.

You should set the right course now, strengthen your personality and develop yourself in the right direction. In addition to a good job, you can also find a suitable partner who will make you happy.

How to become an attractive man and learn how to flirt so that girls throw themselves at you? Here in my blog, I give you many helpful tips on the subject. Read up on the matter!

Never had a girlfriend at 20

In your 20s you're usually in the wild phase where you regularly go to parties - and of course, you meet hot women. For many, it's the time of trying things out in love and sex.

But you never had a relationship when you were 20, 21, 22, 24 or 26?

Okay, that's a bit more unusual, but I wouldn't worry too much about this either.

However, now is the time to step on the gas and gather some initial experience to catch up. Since you're still relatively young, it's even easier now than it was when you were 30 or 35.

If you are studying, you can go to university parties, for example, and get to know many attractive female students. But even as an apprentice or a young professional, you have the opportunity to go out regularly at the weekend to flirt in the club!

Never had a girlfriend at 30

Never had a girlfriend at 30

That gnaws at you more severely when you're a man in your 30s and haven't had a relationship yet. Especially when you're already 35 or 37 years old... That's a pretty late start because most men by that age already had (at least) one girlfriend.

Turning things around now is harder than it was when you were 20 or 25 because your personality has already solidified. Your choice of career, hobbies, and circle of friends have also given you a stronger direction in your life.

But it's never too late to "break out" and make a difference!

In your 30s, you can still develop more confident masculinity, learn to flirt, and still regularly meet women at parties. Your odds may be even better now than they used to be. The fact is that many men in their mid or late 30s look more masculine than they did in their 20s when they still had a delicate "milk boy face".

So you are in your prime!

However, you have to start as soon as possible and jump over your shadow, because time is running out. If you don't like discos, you can also go to bars and pubs, for example, or talk to women on the street.

Never had a girlfriend at 40

Okay, I don't want to beat around the bush: Never having had a girlfriend at 40 and older is a big exception. I know a few guys who are like that.

Compared to other men your age, you're many years behind in terms of relationship (and probably sex) experience.

As you can see, unfortunately, I don't have a "calm down pill" here for you...

And that would be exactly the wrong thing in your situation! Because what you need now is a wake-up call - a well-intentioned ass-kick to take action! That's why I want to shake you up with what you get to read here.

It is a high priority to change something in your predicament.

The good thing: It's never too late for change, as I said above. But since it will be very difficult without help, I recommend you consult a flirting expert that you can trust. Are you looking for someone who can provide competent and caring care?

With the right coaching methods, success can be achieved very quickly, so that you still have a good chance of finding the right partner for a relationship soon.

So get on with it!

Because if you don't change anything now, in my opinion, there is a high risk that you will grow old on your own.

Never had a girlfriend - 7 reasons and solutions

I too was once in the unpleasant situation that I never had a relationship until the end of my school days at the age of 17 or 18 because no girl was interested in me.

It made me feel lonely.

Most of my classmates had already had girlfriends by then, which made me very depressed and jealous. I wondered why these men were doing this while I was - and what was "wrong" with me.

But because at some point I was fed up with being single, I decided to change something in my life!

Not only was I able to overcome my shyness, but after a few years, I became able to help people do that too.

But I can imagine that you are looking for other answers. Therefore, I would now like to go into the 7 most common causes and tips if you are an absolute beginner and have never had a girlfriend:

1. Few (new) social contacts in everyday life

In my experience, most men who have not yet had a relationship are quite introverted and accordingly live very withdrawn in their "snail shell".

This means that their everyday life consists mainly of a few fixed routines with little social contact:
  • go to work – although they rarely meet women at work because they work in a typically male profession (the same applies to university if you study subjects such as computer science or mechanical engineering)
  • chilling at home and watching Netflix or playing computer games
  • do something with friends - but the circle of friends is also rather small and consists mainly of men who don't flirt on the go either
...and all this over many years!

It is quite possible that you are not necessarily the typical party animal who likes rock concerts or goes to discos in the evenings.

In this narrow comfort zone, you don't get to know many new people, and certainly no attractive women. So, of course, you have almost no chance that Mrs. Right will run into you at some point.

To change that, you should regularly leave your comfort zone and do things where you meet interesting girls.

It can be anything from a beach volleyball club or gym to a cooking course at an adult education center to a metal band. Traveling is always a good way to meet new people and broaden your horizons at the same time.

Find out what your interests are and join appropriate groups!

A first point of contact can be relevant Facebook groups, where you can exchange ideas with like-minded people and organize meetings.

2. Too shy to go looking

Too shy to go looking

Perhaps you had some bad years as a child, were bullied at school, or had other negative experiences in the past. That is why you are very shy and above all very afraid of women.

Approach a pretty girl that you like somewhere on the way. You wouldn't dare to do that in real life! I'm right?

If you let all these opportunities slip through your fingers in everyday life, it is no wonder that you hardly meet any potential partners and have never had a girlfriend.

To break this pattern, you should regularly try to approach strange women. This can be done practically anywhere, whether on the street, in the supermarket, or the gym.

Sure, that takes a lot of courage because you have to overcome the fear of speaking first.

But despite a few baskets, you will find that most females react to you much more positively than you think at the moment!

With a bit of practice and luck, you will also get one or the other cell phone number.

This strengthens your self-confidence, and you suddenly have a very large selection of ladies if you constantly approach them in everyday life. So it's only a matter of time before you find the right person for a relationship in your search.

Are you still too shy at first? Then you can register now in dating apps like Bumble or Tinder and start flirting!

Here on my blog, you will find many articles about online dating to be successful on these platforms. Read them through! So you not only get many matches but also more often an answer to your first message.

3. Unable to excite women

Even if you happen to strike up a conversation with an attractive lady that you like, you never know what to talk to her about because of your shyness. You're not one of those open, easy-going, and articulate men who make pretty women laugh.

Your flirting skills have rusted about as badly over the years as Grandpa's old VW Golf.

And if the smiling beauty asks you a question, you don't know what to reply.

So you always stand there stuttering and making boring small talk about the weather and the job, so that the girls politely say goodbye after a few minutes. This can be one of the reasons why you have never had a girlfriend.

Stop it! Starting today, you should prepare yourself for exciting topics of conversation and good introductory questions that inspire other people. Prepare yourself for the "emergency"!

With a few solid ideas in mind, you'll never be left speechless when it comes to a chance encounter where you "need to talk".

You probably never have an interesting topic ready because you experience little in your gray everyday life. Do many excursions, trips, and other activities as described in point 1! Then crazy things will happen to you automatically, which you can later turn into a funny story and tell about while flirting.

Otherwise, practice makes perfect.

The more often you go out to try and talk to strangers, the more quick-witted and articulate you become. 

4. Thoughts like, "I'll never have a girlfriend..."

Anyone single for as long as you have has pretty low self-confidence. The sense of achievement in the opposite sex that we men need to lift ourselves internally is missing!

This creates negative and rather self-destructive beliefs that provide us with an apparent answer to our singleness.

By that, I mean harmful thoughts about oneself, such as:
  • "No one likes me! I'm just not attractive enough to women/girls in terms of looks and personality!”
  • "It hasn't worked for the last few years, why should it suddenly work now?"
  • "I'm just too shy to flirt, there's nothing I can do about that!"
  • "Without washboard abs or millions in the bank, you can't end up with women anyway!"
  • "The good women are all taken anyway!"
  • "I can't keep up with the other men, they have a lot more to offer!"
Unfortunately, thinking like this quickly gets you into a dangerous vicious circle. Because of your self-doubt, you don't even try to flirt with women - or you have a worse charisma than the bad-tempered Darth Vader.

If you don't find a girlfriend as a result, you will see your negative beliefs confirmed, which will further solidify them in your head.

Experts also refer to this phenomenon as a “self-fulfilling prophecy”: Subconsciously, you act in such a way that your prediction comes true.

How you can boost your self-confidence now

Don't listen any longer to what that nasty voice in your head is whispering to you every day! If you want to "program" yourself for success, you have to replace these negative thought patterns with realistic perspectives.

Take a piece of paper and write down seven to ten positive beliefs, such as:
  • "I'm a very attractive man for many women, even if they don't realize it at first."
  • “There are many potential partners for me out there – I just have to find them, approach them and get to know them. As a result, I quickly find someone who likes and loves me just the way I am.”
  • "There are so many single women who long to meet a great man like me."
It should be sentences that feel good to you and that contradict your previous negative beliefs.

You then say these sentences out loud several times a day, even before you go to bed. The more often you do this, the faster your old thoughts will be replaced by new, better perspectives.

Then you will start flirting with a more positive attitude and you will be more successful accordingly. It is not for nothing that the saying goes: “Faith moves mountains”!

5. Not getting the best out of your optics yet

You don't care about your appearance

If you have never had a girlfriend, it can also be due to your current appearance.

Of course, women also pay attention to their appearance when they meet someone – first impressions count. Stand in front of the mirror and take stock without judging yourself!

Do your clothes look like they were made by a typical nerd or like they were chosen by Mom? Don't you have an attractive hairstyle, but wild growth? No, or an unsightly beard? Blemished skin? Unflattering glasses with the 90s look?

Then you shouldn't be surprised that the ladies pay you little attention and run away in droves or don't get in touch after the meeting.

Sorry, sounds harsh, but that's how it is!

However, you should know that if you think so, you are NOT "ugly". Any man can be handsome with a few tweaks without going under the beauty doc's knife.

And the good thing is:

Unlike your personality, you can change your appearance instantly, in just one day.

I recommend a shopping tour, where you go shopping for some clothes and get advice on the outfit for the date from nice saleswomen (this way you get in touch with pretty women again...).

Or you drag along a good friend who knows more about fashion than you do.

You can also stop by the hairdresser's on the way back and get a modern, type-appropriate haircut.

After this transformation, you can be a completely new person on the outside, which the ladies like. This self-satisfaction with the outside also gives you more self-confidence on the inside.

6. Always just the "good friend" for women

You have probably learned from parents, teachers, and Hollywood films in recent years that you should always appear as the “courteous gentleman” towards attractive women.

You're the nice guy who would do anything for a woman - buy her flowers, fix her computer and pick her up from the disco at 3 am (where she was making out with that sleazy asshole guy).

At the same time, because of your shyness, you do not dare to reveal your sexual interest to the lady through touching or kissing.

The fear of sex may also play a role here because you are incredibly embarrassed that you are still a virgin. If SHE found out, you would sink into the ground with embarrassment.

All of this leads to you being friend-zoned on the date and always being the good buddy for the hot girls.

At most, they'll get in touch with you to cry about all the assholes or to use you as a pack mule for the move.

It hurts when you're in love with your best friend.

Is that a recurring problem with you, why you have never had a relationship? Then you should “bury” the nice guy in you starting today and become a little bit more macho – without treating the ladies badly, of course.

Stop doing a woman every favor! You should also clearly signal your interest by playfully teasing the chosen one and touching her at the right moment.

It's best to read my article on how to seduce a woman in order NOT to always be put in the miserable friend zone!

7. Low self-esteem and unmanly demeanor

Even if teachers, politicians, and the media tell you otherwise: In truth, concentrated masculinity is still what women like. They like a slight (!) macho manner in their partner. It's like those action movies where the easygoing James Bond guy always ends up in bed with the hottest girls.

If you have never had a girlfriend, it may be that your whole personality is just too unmanly.

Many characteristics belong to the lack of masculinity, such as:

  • unsteady body language with head hanging and posture bent forward
  • too shy to make eye contact with other people
  • speak softly and use a lot of subjunctive moods (uncertain formulations such as " one could do this" )
  • Unsportsmanlike and hardly any muscles, instead typical "asparagus Tarzan"
  • neither assertiveness nor leadership in groups
  • no drive, no goals, and no mission in life that one (s) burns for
  • Fear of approaching, touching, and kissing a girl
  • lack of courage to set clear boundaries for women and tell them your honest opinion
  • False modesty - i.e. unwillingness to assert your own needs and interests
  • little independence in life, instead a habit of chasing after the ladies and checking in with them constantly
  • generally a lot of fears, inhibitions, self-doubt, and shyness

Do these and similar characteristics apply to you? Then you should become more masculine!

But the whole thing doesn't have to take years if that's what you're thinking now.

The quickest way to do this is to jump over your shadow as described above and regularly talk to strangers in everyday life. This bold behavior is super manly, and the constant "tests of courage" will strengthen you internally like a workout in the gym strengthens your muscles.

This is how you develop self-confident masculinity in a short time - and break the chains that have held you in your single life as a man for so long!

Never had a girlfriend - what do you answer on a date?

Never had a girlfriend - what do you answer on a date?

Of course, you cannot conjure up a partner. That means: Until your situation has changed with the tips above, you must first learn to accept your single existence and to represent it confidently to your fellow human beings.

At some point on a date, almost every woman asks this question that absolute beginners fear the most:

"Tell me, how long have you been single now?"

Ouch! What should one reply to that?

Of course, the older you are, the weirder it seems when you've never been in a relationship.

Many women show understanding for this and will perhaps also tell you that they do not find it tragic if you have been single for many years. But subconsciously, most people are already wondering if something is wrong with you.

Although she likes you, your chosen one might think:

"Hmmmm, he's never had a girlfriend... If so many other women don't want him as a partner, there's probably a reason. Then I should also be careful, maybe he's not the right one for me either!"

So it can happen that the beloved does not contact you after the date. It's disappointing if you like it or if you're already in love!

To get out of this tricky situation, you have two options:

You're telling yourself a white lie

For one, you can make up a story and briefly tell about a relationship or two that you never had. You may get by with this at first, but this strategy can eventually come to you as a dangerous "boomerang" when dating.

Because the truth could come out in bed at the latest if you have never had sex and are quite clumsy as a male virgin.

Or one of your friends babbles when you introduce the woman to them...

When the truth comes out in this way, a lot of trust is lost. The other person will wonder what else you might have lied to them about.

You're brutally honest with her

The better option is to lay your cards face up on the table and tell your loved one the unvarnished truth.

For example, tell her:

"I've never had a girlfriend, to be honest. I know that sounds unusual now. But it's just that I used to be extremely shy because I had difficult parents, and the girls at my school used to tease me. However, I have also worked hard on myself and developed further in recent years. Today I'm quite self-confident and can even approach strange women who I like - just like I did with you :-)"

The advantage of this strategy:

If you credibly explain the reasons for your permanent single status, the woman will recognize that there is nothing strange about you, but that you just had a few bad starting conditions in your life.

This is how you allow her to understand and accept your situation.

So you should always communicate that you are NOT this insecure man anymore, but have fought your way out of the swamp. This is a very masculine quality that women appreciate in their partners!

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