“Hey Andy, I'm desperate now. My problem: I never had a girlfriend. Relationship and love, something like that is a foreign word for me. As a male virgin, I never had sex either. What should I do? I just do not know how to go on…"
It is indeed a situation that can deprive one of sleep at night.
You feel lonely and afraid of missing out on the most beautiful thing in life - especially when you see couples in love everywhere.
Then you ask yourself at some point while pondering:
"Why is it so easy for other people to find a partner, but not for ME? Why does no woman or girl want me? What's wrong with me?
But don't worry, you're not doomed to be single forever. Do not give up hope!
In this article, I will explain to you the possible reasons why you have never had a girlfriend at the age of 18, 20, 30, or 40.
At the same time, I will give you tips on how to solve your problems so that you can soon find the right partner for a fulfilling relationship.
Come on board with me, sailor, together we will steer your ship into the harbor of love! :-)
The feeling of never having had a girlfriend
From the numerous conversations I have had with many men of all ages, I know exactly how you feel. The more of the following points apply to you, the higher your level of suffering:- You feel deep loneliness and longing for a partner - especially when you see couples in love everywhere.
- You are secretly jealous of the other men who regularly get beautiful women (at parties, for example).
- You're desperately wondering what these guys have that makes them so successful with the opposite sex (while you're out of luck and constantly getting nothing).
- You ask yourself what is “wrong” with you, which is why no woman has been interested in you for years.
- At some point, you think you're just not "good enough" as a man and consider yourself a "failure" that nobody likes.
- You get the (rather irrational) notion that some kind of "curse" or "destiny" might mean that you'll never find a girlfriend, and there's nothing you can do about it.
- You feel ashamed in front of friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, and your family - and fear that they might consider you a "failure" or "gay".
- But you also feel deep shame as an eternal single or male virgin. Because you are so embarrassed about your problem, you hide it from almost everyone.
- You have the feeling that you are missing out on far too many beautiful moments in life when it comes to love and sex as well as support and security.
- In general, you feel like you are falling behind more and more over the years because men of the same age have much more experience than you.
- When you get to know each other on a date, you fear probing questions about how long you've been single or why your (non-existent) previous relationships failed. You then become embarrassed and don't know how to answer such a question.
- If you've never had sex before, you're very scared of going to bed with a woman. Eventually, she might notice your virginity, which you are ashamed of.
- Maybe you have dates sometimes, but then the women don't get in touch anymore.
- You experience how family members, acquaintances, or friends get married and have children while you haven't even had your first relationship.
- You think you're disappointing your parents by not "giving" them grandchildren.
- At some point, you become afraid of the future. You fear growing old lonely, and alone without a partner by your side.
But how serious is your situation? How easily can you change something about it? Of course, I can't give you a general answer here because it also depends on your age:
At 18 still never had a relationship as a man
Never had a girlfriend at 20
Never had a girlfriend at 30
Never had a girlfriend at 40
Okay, I don't want to beat around the bush: Never having had a girlfriend at 40 and older is a big exception. I know a few guys who are like that.Compared to other men your age, you're many years behind in terms of relationship (and probably sex) experience.
And that would be exactly the wrong thing in your situation! Because what you need now is a wake-up call - a well-intentioned ass-kick to take action! That's why I want to shake you up with what you get to read here.
It is a high priority to change something in your predicament.
The good thing: It's never too late for change, as I said above. But since it will be very difficult without help, I recommend you consult a flirting expert that you can trust. Are you looking for someone who can provide competent and caring care?
With the right coaching methods, success can be achieved very quickly, so that you still have a good chance of finding the right partner for a relationship soon.
So get on with it!
Because if you don't change anything now, in my opinion, there is a high risk that you will grow old on your own.
Never had a girlfriend - 7 reasons and solutions
I too was once in the unpleasant situation that I never had a relationship until the end of my school days at the age of 17 or 18 because no girl was interested in me.
It made me feel lonely.
Most of my classmates had already had girlfriends by then, which made me very depressed and jealous. I wondered why these men were doing this while I was - and what was "wrong" with me.
But because at some point I was fed up with being single, I decided to change something in my life!
Not only was I able to overcome my shyness, but after a few years, I became able to help people do that too.
But I can imagine that you are looking for other answers. Therefore, I would now like to go into the 7 most common causes and tips if you are an absolute beginner and have never had a girlfriend:
1. Few (new) social contacts in everyday life
This means that their everyday life consists mainly of a few fixed routines with little social contact:
- go to work – although they rarely meet women at work because they work in a typically male profession (the same applies to university if you study subjects such as computer science or mechanical engineering)
- chilling at home and watching Netflix or playing computer games
- do something with friends - but the circle of friends is also rather small and consists mainly of men who don't flirt on the go either
It is quite possible that you are not necessarily the typical party animal who likes rock concerts or goes to discos in the evenings.
In this narrow comfort zone, you don't get to know many new people, and certainly no attractive women. So, of course, you have almost no chance that Mrs. Right will run into you at some point.
To change that, you should regularly leave your comfort zone and do things where you meet interesting girls.
It can be anything from a beach volleyball club or gym to a cooking course at an adult education center to a metal band. Traveling is always a good way to meet new people and broaden your horizons at the same time.
Find out what your interests are and join appropriate groups!
A first point of contact can be relevant Facebook groups, where you can exchange ideas with like-minded people and organize meetings.
2. Too shy to go looking
3. Unable to excite women
4. Thoughts like, "I'll never have a girlfriend..."
- "No one likes me! I'm just not attractive enough to women/girls in terms of looks and personality!”
- "It hasn't worked for the last few years, why should it suddenly work now?"
- "I'm just too shy to flirt, there's nothing I can do about that!"
- "Without washboard abs or millions in the bank, you can't end up with women anyway!"
- "The good women are all taken anyway!"
- "I can't keep up with the other men, they have a lot more to offer!"
How you can boost your self-confidence now
- "I'm a very attractive man for many women, even if they don't realize it at first."
- “There are many potential partners for me out there – I just have to find them, approach them and get to know them. As a result, I quickly find someone who likes and loves me just the way I am.”
- "There are so many single women who long to meet a great man like me."
5. Not getting the best out of your optics yet
6. Always just the "good friend" for women
7. Low self-esteem and unmanly demeanor
Even if teachers, politicians, and the media tell you otherwise: In truth, concentrated masculinity is still what women like. They like a slight (!) macho manner in their partner. It's like those action movies where the easygoing James Bond guy always ends up in bed with the hottest girls.
If you have never had a girlfriend, it may be that your whole personality is just too unmanly.
Many characteristics belong to the lack of masculinity, such as:
- unsteady body language with head hanging and posture bent forward
- too shy to make eye contact with other people
- speak softly and use a lot of subjunctive moods (uncertain formulations such as " one could do this" )
- Unsportsmanlike and hardly any muscles, instead typical "asparagus Tarzan"
- neither assertiveness nor leadership in groups
- no drive, no goals, and no mission in life that one (s) burns for
- Fear of approaching, touching, and kissing a girl
- lack of courage to set clear boundaries for women and tell them your honest opinion
- False modesty - i.e. unwillingness to assert your own needs and interests
- little independence in life, instead a habit of chasing after the ladies and checking in with them constantly
- generally a lot of fears, inhibitions, self-doubt, and shyness
Do these and similar characteristics apply to you? Then you should become more masculine!
But the whole thing doesn't have to take years if that's what you're thinking now.
The quickest way to do this is to jump over your shadow as described above and regularly talk to strangers in everyday life. This bold behavior is super manly, and the constant "tests of courage" will strengthen you internally like a workout in the gym strengthens your muscles.
This is how you develop self-confident masculinity in a short time - and break the chains that have held you in your single life as a man for so long!
Never had a girlfriend - what do you answer on a date?
You're telling yourself a white lie
For one, you can make up a story and briefly tell about a relationship or two that you never had. You may get by with this at first, but this strategy can eventually come to you as a dangerous "boomerang" when dating.Because the truth could come out in bed at the latest if you have never had sex and are quite clumsy as a male virgin.
Or one of your friends babbles when you introduce the woman to them...
When the truth comes out in this way, a lot of trust is lost. The other person will wonder what else you might have lied to them about.
You're brutally honest with her
The better option is to lay your cards face up on the table and tell your loved one the unvarnished truth.For example, tell her:
"I've never had a girlfriend, to be honest. I know that sounds unusual now. But it's just that I used to be extremely shy because I had difficult parents, and the girls at my school used to tease me. However, I have also worked hard on myself and developed further in recent years. Today I'm quite self-confident and can even approach strange women who I like - just like I did with you :-)"
The advantage of this strategy:
If you credibly explain the reasons for your permanent single status, the woman will recognize that there is nothing strange about you, but that you just had a few bad starting conditions in your life.
This is how you allow her to understand and accept your situation.
So you should always communicate that you are NOT this insecure man anymore, but have fought your way out of the swamp. This is a very masculine quality that women appreciate in their partners!