Secretly, you still harbor strong feelings for your ex. You might be like, 'I want my ex back so bad it hurts. What should I do?' Even many months after a breakup, you can think back to your ex and dream of what it would be like to be a couple again.
Deep down, you still have feelings for that person, and at the same time, you feel pain and sadness. You just miss them terribly.
You realize that you made a serious mistake by ending your relationship. But what can you do now to get back with your ex? You will discover that here.
1. Don't act out of lovesickness and loneliness
It's normal to feel pretty lonely after your relationship breakup.
After all, you're used to having that person around all the time or at least getting messages from them regularly.
You can call them fast if you need someone or just want to hear their voice. Therefore, you should not give in to the first impulse of loneliness, but rather give yourself some time and rest.
When you get back together with your ex, you need to make a 100% commitment to them and not just want to get back together because you need someone.
You should also realize that the problems you have already had in your relationship will not go away on their own. When renewing your relationship, both of you should work on it so that this time you can work out old issues.
So you should only give yourself another chance if you're convinced that you don't want to spend your life without the other person, and not just because you're feeling a little lonely right now.
The moment your partner threatens to disappear from your life, it's easy to suddenly find that everything the other person did wrong in the past that upset you so much, suddenly isn't that bad anymore.
But never forget that there was a valid reason for one of you to end the relationship.
There were probably just enough things that weren't ok that you couldn't find a solution for. Maybe it's better that way. And even if it hurts so bad, in such a case, you're both better off without the other. So you should always keep that in mind.
2. I want my ex back so bad it hurts - What's the best way to go about it?
If you want your ex back, very simple: send them a message. Ask how to do it; just like you would ask a good friend.
Of course, there is a chance that the message will be answered very poorly or even ignored entirely, and then that's it. Then it is clear that your ex is not yet ready to get in touch with you again. However, if you get a positive response, you can build on that.
There will probably be small talk first. How is your brother, is your colleague still so stupid, didn't you forget your boss's birthday this time, have you seen the new movie before...? All of this is very convenient and will go well.
You don't have to start talking about your breakup right away. I prefer to have some casual conversations first. It is also important to remember that if you want to get back together with your ex, you will need to start a completely new relationship with them instead of continuing with the old one. It ended up failing the last time.
At some point, of course, there will come a moment when the topic will come up. However, this should not be done via SMS or WhatsApp.
It is best to make an appointment for this. Preferably in a completely neutral setting, perhaps in a coffee shop that you both don't know yet. Make sure it's not a date, but a very casual date.
You should not choose a place that you have visited often in the past. It will only bring back old (painful) memories, and you will end up wanting to start over.
3. Start over
If you want your ex back, always remember that you want to start a whole new relationship with your ex, not the one you already have. The old relationship failed for good reason.
Try starting all over again. Don't jump into bed with them right away, just spend some time together and let things develop. Make the new relationship begin romantic and exciting. Start with a first tentative kiss and carefully build from there.
Well, of course, you can skip the whole thing about how many brothers and sisters you have and whether you have a good relationship with your parents. However, you must begin the dating phase. In the time when you were not together, you must have tried a lot of new things. You will likely have a lot of new things to tell each other and can laugh at new things together.
Don't be too quick to become nonchalant just because you're used to your partner. Keep the romance and take your time. You don't have to jump right back into a deadly serious relationship.
Stay calm but keep the excitement up and give it your all sometimes. This way, the relationship will be able to develop healthily and will have much higher chances of success this time around.
You both made your experiences and hopefully learned from your mistakes. That is why things can now go very differently than before. The time spent apart will have taught you something, you must use this new knowledge.
4. Try new things
As mentioned earlier, of course, you don't want to end up in the same relationship with your ex, because failure is inevitable again.
This is why you should avoid going on the same dates as last time. Find a new favorite restaurant instead. Try new things. Things you may not have done in the past. Keep the excitement and romance alive.
Of course, you can also revive good memories, you just need to be careful not to bring back old frustrations.
If after a while you want to visit your favorite coffee shop again, you are, of course, welcome to do so. This can also have a very positive effect. Don't start too early, though, rather than reliving old memories with new experiences.
5. Regain confidence
If you want your ex back, you should not forget that you did a lot of pain and damage when you gave up hope and ended the relationship. Also, you showed that at that point you were no longer willing to fight for your relationship. You hurt your ex, and they need to heal. Show them that you are fully aware of how much you hurt them and that you have no intention of doing it again.
Not only do they need to be able to trust you not to let them down, but you need to be able to trust them as well. Both of you should be able to trust that the other will try as hard as you would on your second attempt at success. It is important here not to blame the other person for everything, because then it will very quickly lead to a conflict again.
Get your ex back in 3 easy steps!
- Stop stalking. Keep your distance. So not 'I want my ex back: – constantly thinking about the ex – always sending messages – coming through the ex's social media.
- Date with the ex. Very friendly without pressure. Come up with a 'good' reason: – go to a concert together – talk about family and friends – 'just' have a drink together.
- You have experience. You've conquered them before. So you know very well: - how they and their feelings tick - what will touch them - how you won them over back then.
Love is the only thing that grows when shared!
6. And if you do end up fighting again
That's also not the end of the world. Every healthy relationship includes a fight from time to time. This is perfectly normal and nothing wrong at all.
As long as you apologize to each other for everything you left in a storm of emotions and now regret it again. Conflict can also be settled well in bed. At least when some time has passed.
But you must be careful not to fall again into the old blame game that ruined the last relationship.
Otherwise, you'll be back in the old vicious circle, and neither of you will ever want to. Your partner is sure to bring up old unpleasant things about you when you throw old accusations at them again. From this, the old intractable conflicts will arise again very quickly.
7. I want my ex back so bad it hurts - Don't expect quick change
No one will change completely from one day to the next. Just because someone has changed for the better doesn't mean that everything that was bothering you about that person is over at once. The person will not be perfect.
Nobody is perfect, so don't expect it. Otherwise, you will not only hurt the other person but also yourself. You should accept the other person as they are, then you will be able to expect the same more easily yourself.
Also, don't constantly confront your partner with the fact that they keep making mistakes. If you can't take it, you probably shouldn't have renewed the relationship in the first place. After all, you knew what you were getting yourself into.
Appreciate the things that have changed for the better. This is something you like to have too because nobody wants to be constantly pointed out about their weaknesses. This only provokes new arguments. So hold back and try to live with it, even if it's sometimes hard.
Read also: I Miss My Ex: 15 Tips to Get Back Together
8. Dealing with criticism
Most likely, your entire environment, parents, siblings, or friends will contribute their two cents to your reunion. Or your plan to go back to your ex.
But you shouldn't let that deter you. You know best what your relationship was like, and you are the best judge of whether it deserves a second try or not. You should therefore not get angry about criticism, because you will not achieve anything with it.
However, there is nothing wrong with listening to other people's advice. People who know you well and look at your relationship from a short distance can sometimes have very useful tips that you may have overlooked. So there's no harm in listening to these recommendations, but that certainly doesn't mean you should follow them.
9. If it is destined, it will succeed
Don't force anything, and don't be afraid to let yourself be heard now and then. Above all, don't do anything you don't want to do. You don't have to constantly fear that it's about to end between you two. On the other hand, it is also sure that you must be ready to fight for your new relationship. Many relationship problems can be easily resolved. This is why you don't always have to be on guard in your relationship.
So don't lose hope immediately if things don't go well or if you feel like you're back on the same path as last time. Talk to each other about it and try to find a solution. This is the only way you will make your relationship work.
And never forget: If it's real love, everything will turn out for the best. So don't overdo your efforts and just let things take their course.
10. I want my ex back so bad it hurts - Write a letter
You might be thinking, "How will the letter help me get my ex back?" Good question! It is not always easy to communicate again after months of silence.
A letter is a perfect tool for that, with which you can still keep your distance from your ex. It's also less direct than, say, a phone call. When you write a letter, you also give yourself enough time to reflect. This way, you make sure that you make fewer mistakes and that your choice of words is the right one.
But writing a letter will only work if you don't get caught up in sadness and frustration. You shouldn't use it to throw old accusations at your ex.
Rehashing old issues in the letter is the worst thing you can do. Your ex will associate this with stress and anger and will only want to avoid you more.
It is very important to understand that your ex does not want to fight with you. You share a past, memories, and maybe even children; so don't be afraid to take the first step to save your relationship. But that doesn't mean you should beg and plead.
But on the contrary. Your message should be positive and not try to force anything on your ex. The purpose of the message is to give, not to take. Show them how you feel about them without asking or suggesting that you expect them to respond. This can help your contact return to normal.
Also, don't assume your ex will be at your door tomorrow just because you sent that letter. The person you want to win back will not magically return to your arms on their own.
11. Keep flirting
If you want your ex back in your life, you will have to do a lot. But what exactly is it that one should do? Flirting is something you cannot do without rekindling the fire between you.
When you start flirting with your ex again, you need to be very sure of what you want and what you have to offer them. Some people flirt with their ex just to get revenge on them.
They don't want you back at all, they just want to give you a hard rebuff to regain their damaged self-confidence. That's a pretty bad attitude, of course.
If you're wondering about the best way to flirt with your ex, you first need to know exactly what you're trying to achieve. You want your ex to fall in love with you again. But how do you do that? Winning back an ex is a complicated thing. Success depends on how you're trying to achieve it.
A common mistake is that you try to do your best to get your ex back. This only pushes your ex further away from you. That's what happens when you start flirting too soon.
There are different ways you can flirt with your ex. You can send them a message to pique their interest. But you should always make sure that it sounds positive.
So you should avoid writing things like: 'I miss you so much, where are you?' It's better to keep it relaxed and humorous with something like: 'Yesterday I experienced something crazy. That reminded me of when we [make something up] together.'
Start flirting subtly so the ex is unsure whether you're flirting with them or not and see their reaction. You know what your ex is reacting to, use that knowledge to your advantage.
12. What do you do when your ex rejects you anyway
Of course, this is also a realistic possibility. They may already be over you or just don't want to try again.
In such a situation, you will have to accept this and move on with your own life, no matter how it hurts. If you love them, you will also accept their decision, even if it will hurt you very much at first.
You should give everything some time again. With a little more distance, you might not want her back yourself either.
But it may have been so, in any case, you both had enough time to develop independently of each other and become better people. This may mean that you have grown apart, but also that you may now be better suited to each other.
Always keep in mind: if you are meant for each other, there will be a happy ending. And if not, sooner or later you will find a way to get over your ex.
You learned something from your relationship, you spent a good time together. And even if it hurts so bad now, all this is part of life.
Every relationship has value, even if it doesn't last forever. And if you're going through the different phases of lovesickness, it will undoubtedly be difficult for you to recognize this. But never forget that your pain will eventually pass. Finally, you won't miss the person as much as you do now.