"My girlfriend broke up with me, what should I do?" She left you, there was a sudden breakup, and the rug was completely pulled out from under your feet. Believe me, I know very well this awful feeling when your girlfriend broke up with you, that feeling of losing everything you built.
But how should you behave now? What to do in this precarious situation?
It is not always easy to keep calm and make the right decision...
Because, of course, you are going through a storm of mixed feelings with your lovesickness, full of longing, sadness, anger, guilt, regret, and even jealousy from another man, her new lover.
In this article, I will help you better understand the real reasons for the sudden breakup and the mistakes you should not make.
And I will immediately show you - depending on the situation - how you can behave most smartly after your breakup. These tips will give you the best chance of restarting your relationship if you want it back.
"My girlfriend broke up with me...I can't take it anymore!"
I had arrived at this low point when the woman of my dreams suddenly left me like I was nothing, a desperate cry for help from the bottom of my heart.
I still remember the terrible moment of our separation:
She was sitting on my bed in the condo and told me that she desperately needed to be alone for a bit. She is no longer sure of her feelings for me and doesn't know whether there is still a future together.
She looked confused and spoke with me in such a desperate tone that I could hardly understand some of her words.
And Boom! I understood what she meant, those words were like a slap in my face!
For the next few weeks, I thought I was going to die of lovesickness or go crazy.
Day or night, I couldn't stop thinking about this woman because I missed her so much. I could no longer sleep and hardly eat anything. I was sitting alone the whole time and often cried into my pillow.
There was a vortex of anxiety, fear, and sadness dragging me down.
I was plagued by strong fears because I didn't want to lose her.
While I melted away in the pain of separation, I couldn't get out of my brooding either.
My thoughts keep circling the same questions:
- "Why did my girlfriend break up with me? What were their reasons?
- "Am I to blame for the breakup - and could I have prevented it?"
- "Did she perhaps leave me for another man?"
- "Wasn't I good enough for her anymore?"
My self-esteem was completely devastated. I thought I did everything wrong.
But at some point, I understood that there was hope in love because I could become her dream man again. I would like to give you this consolation now.
After my girlfriend broke up with me, I was sure: " I want her back because I still love her more than anything!" And I thought with good behavior I would have a big chance of getting her back.
What if it didn't work? What if I couldn't win her back?
Then she would no longer be the right partner for me either – and it would be suited to end the matter for good.
But then, at some point, I would meet another woman with whom I would be happy. And that's exactly what happened in the end...
Why did my girlfriend break up with me? The top 5 reasons for breaking up
It's one of the nagging questions that haunt so many eager men: "Why did she leave me? Aren't I good enough for her anymore?"
Especially when she leaves you for another man, the pain runs deep.
However, refrain from asking for an explanatory conversation, as this will only make your ex-girlfriend feel pressured. She needs a few days off right now and doesn't feel like having such discussions, which quickly turn into arguments and disputes.
The best way to find out why your girlfriend breaks up with you is to listen carefully and "read between the lines":
What precisely has she often accused you of in the past in disputes or finally named as the main reason for the breakup?
Well, maybe you can't decipher her cryptic words and think for a long time why your girlfriend broke up...
Then I would like to help you here to understand it.
So I will give you the 5 most common reasons why breakups happen:
1. You were jealous and trying to control her too much
I often see this play in relationships before they end:
A woman initially meets a handsome, independent, and free man. Someone who has many friends and hobbies that she loves.
That's why she falls in love with this hot guy.
But in the partnership, he suddenly makes the mistake of a 180-degree change: He puts his girlfriend at the center of his life and gives up everything else for her.
He meets his friends less and less, and he no longer pursues his hobbies either.
Instead, there is only "honey here, honey there": cooking together, couple's evenings, lounging for two on the couch with Netflix, and cheerful WhatsApp messages from morning to night.
Even if she wants to have a night alone with her friends, he's clingy and bombards her with messages all the time.
At worst, the man becomes a control freak who gets jealous...
As a result, the woman naturally feels controlled and constrained by the man and reacts increasingly annoyed. There are arguments in everyday life about small, insignificant things (toothpaste tubes not closed properly, crumbs in the sink, trash not taken out...).
The girlfriend then seeks more and more distance from her partner until she finally breaks up with him. She just needs the proverbial "air to breathe" that she no longer got in the relationship.
And even if she doesn't feel directly constrained: if you see each other constantly (almost) every day as a couple, at some point, fatal boredom sets in.
There is simply no feeling of missing the other and being able to look forward to meeting your partner. This can also lead to separation.
I always say the saying: "Only distance brings us closer!"
A phrase to remember!
2. You have no longer taken the lead
Despite all the talk of feminism, the fact is that most women want a partner who takes the lead in the relationship. Someone who really "wears the pants".
This allows the girlfriend to "let go" emotionally and to feel secure at the man's side.
Have you neglected to show the necessary initiative and make decisions in your partnership? This lack of masculinity could be one reason.
Such mistakes start with small things - for example when you sit around listlessly at the weekend and do not come from you with any suggestions as to what you can do on this beautiful day.
Or what you want to cook for lunch.
But also a missing compass, in which direction your relationship should develop overall (build a house? start a family? get married? emigrate?) can have a toxic effect and lead to separation.
Did your girlfriend maybe break up with you because you didn't have a clear answer to such questions? Was that the case?
The worst thing is a sentence like:
"Oh, none of that matters to me... As long as I'm with you, I feel happy."
No woman wants to hear that from you, even if it (at first glance) sounds romantic!
3. Complete self-abandonment through fear of loss
Some men would rather cut off their left leg than lose their partner - and women feel it very well.
These guys then conform to their girlfriends unconditionally just to frantically please her and avoid a breakup.
"Okay darling, if it's your wish, I'll skip the poker nights with the boys in the future...I don't want to make you unhappy!"
It works one way or another.
By conforming, these men completely give up themselves and their own needs. This ends with the fact that they even do without sex in the partnership, just to be allowed to continue to be with the woman.
That's a huge mistake!
Because women want a partner with a healthy dose of egoism, who stands by himself and stands up for his own needs - even at the risk of upsetting or even losing the woman of his dreams.
The self-abandonment through fear of loss conveys a lack of self-confidence, which is highly unattractive. This leads to the girlfriend breaking up at some point. Especially since no woman wants her man to bend so much for her...
4. You couldn't provide enough "safety."
In addition, women want a man who offers them the necessary degree of security and stability in the relationship. They are always looking – at least subconsciously – for a strong shoulder to lean on. Someone they can trust blindly.
This female instinct is evolutionary since the so-called "weaker sex" is physically inferior to us, and the protection of a partner in the Stone Age was vital for the Neanderthal lady.
Maybe your girlfriend broke up and left you because you could no longer offer her this emotional security. Because you were no longer the rock in the surf and the necessary masculinity was missing?
Typical reasons for separation are:
- Financial problems and job insecurity
- Excessive alcohol consumption or even drugs
- Lack of drive, no goals in life
- Failure to honor agreements
- Not enough time and constant date cancellations (due to work, hobbies, etc.)
- Lack of care and attention toward her
- Disorder and uncleanliness in the household
- Emotional instability (for example, extreme anger)
- The suspicion that you have been unfaithful or cheating
All these are warning signs in the partner's mind that she can no longer rely on you because she lacks trust and does not feel "safe" by your side.
5. She went in a different direction
You were probably happy together at first because not only did you have a lot in common, but you also shared the same goals in life. It fits like the lid on the pot.
But people evolve, and that may also apply to your partner.
Could their partnering needs have changed? Are there unfulfilled wishes? That their goals in life have become different?
Typical sentences in such a situation are: " We have grown apart... "
Then there are more and more conflicts, arguments, and estrangement until the girlfriend breaks up.
Many practical reasons lead to the decision to break up. Examples are:
- She wants to move to the quiet countryside while he feels at home in the bustling city...
- He wants to go on vacation with the caravan more often, preferably with two people, although she thinks camping is pretty stupid...
- She wants kids and a home of her own, but it's all happening way too quickly for him because he doesn't feel ready for those steps yet...
No relationship can endure such fundamental differences in the long term, which is why one day it will end!
My girlfriend broke up with me - what should I do?
Above all other tips, it is first important for you to avoid the typical mistakes that most men make when recapturing. Despite the lovesickness, resist the internal urge to run after your girlfriend and bombard her with messages!
You have to stop "fighting over her" if you want to get her back so badly.
This needy behavior only leads to your ex feeling massively harassed, negative emotions boiling up, and her distance from you.
So you are driving them away from you and making things worse.
Specifically, you should now avoid the following mistakes after she broke up:
- Constantly communicating with her (calling, sending endless messages from WhatsApp or Facebook)
- Begging for a second chance ("I'm going to change, I promise...")
- Writing "romantic" love letters
- Generally declaring your love and writing to her about how much you still love her
- Asking about reasons for separation or asking for a discussion ("Let's talk about everything again...")
- Reacting jealously to other men, asking who she is dating
- Generally starting or discussing an argument
- Personally stalk them (drive to their home or place of work)
- Reaching out to her family and friends behind her back so that they can influence her ex-girlfriend in a positive way
- Sending her flowers and giving other gifts
- And many similar things...
Instead of doing all this, you hold back, accept the separation and initiate a consistent contact block for a certain period. Even if it is a decision that is difficult.
In this time of radio silence, you just take care of yourself, distract yourself, and heal the lovesickness.
This is not only good for your soul. Your girlfriend also gets a healthy distance from you and the freedom she needs.
And who knows: maybe from a distance she will soon start missing you again so that she regrets the breakup and wants you back.
What you should do specifically after you have been abandoned, of course, depends on the situation in question:
Your girlfriend broke up with you even though she still loves you
For a lovesick man, that sounds very contradictory and confusing at first: She left you, although she still loves you, as she says.
But the case is not so paradoxical if you look at it more closely.
Although she still has strong feelings for you, she can't be with you right now because something important is between you.
The woman is torn inside when it comes to your love.
It may well be that she just wants to send a strong signal with the breakup to shake you up. Maybe she wants to use it to move things forward and possibly change for the better.
The fact that your girlfriend broke up will show that she is fighting for your relationship in some way. You will then have a good chance of getting them back.
Or: She senses insurmountable differences/obstacles between you and therefore feels compelled to break up with you despite her feelings of love.
One way or another, keep your distance so that you both can calm down and she does not feel pressured. During this time, think about the conflict you need to resolve. The big knot.
Maybe there is a big point of contention between you? Are you dissatisfied with a particular situation? Are you missing something important in your relationship? Listen to her carefully and think about what she has said in past conversations.
If you can't figure out the reason for the breakup on your own, you can offer to talk about the matter peacefully, even after a certain period of no contact. But please relax and no further arguments!
Can the problem be solved between you two? Then you have to get it out of the way (possibly together with her) so that love has “free rein” again.
In her eyes, you can become the absolute dream man for a harmonious relationship if you want to win her back.
She left you for someone else (and wants to go back?)
You're probably boiling with anger and jealousy right now – you get that feeling, especially when you imagine them both lying in bed together and having sex.
Even if the situation seems hopeless, there can be hope:
Women often attract a new man just before or after a breakup to console themselves for the broken relationship and distract themselves from frustration.
Her new guy, because of whom she broke up with you, would only be something like a "rebound partner".
So it may well be that the matter with this guy is not as serious as it first seems.
As soon as the gray everyday life has returned to them, she may be increasingly annoyed by him, and the rebound relationship soon breaks up until they separate.
Then she might start missing you again. Your girlfriend may then regret breaking up with you and want to get back to you (and she may even signal that to you).
So the biggest mistake you can make right now: acting jealous and trying to break them up.
This only leads to the opposite effect, that your ex-girlfriend sees you as a pushy "relationship destroyer", and is outraged, and you drive her even more into his arms. This only brings the two of them closer together as a couple.
So try to stay calm and wait to see. Break out the popcorn and watch things start to crack in their relationship!
Once she starts pining for you again, there is a good chance that you will get her back.
Your ex-girlfriend calls back even though she broke up with you
This is a good sign because it shows that she is thinking of you and maybe even misses you a bit after the breakup.
How should you behave now if you want to get her back? Which decision to make?
It depends on HOW your ex-girlfriend contacts you after breaking up.
Does she show these positive love signals, for example, by writing you a long letter? Does she express that she misses you, forgives you, or apologizes to you?
Then you can slowly reconnect and introduce yourself as the confident new man she wants in a relationship.
Or does she just send a short, listless message with "Hello" or "Hey, what are you doing?" Or does she even make repeated accusations and start a fight?
Then it is better to continue the social distancing for a while until the anger subsides and it is time to reconnect.
My girlfriend broke up with me - 5 steps to get her back
You have made a decision: you will try to get her back.
This wish is understandable when you are heartbroken because you have a deep longing for her and can no longer imagine living without her.
Here are the top tips summarized in a short guide:
Step 1: Block her on social media
DO NOT chase after this woman after she breaks up. This is the mistake most abandoned men make. Don't bombard her with messages professing your love or asking for a "last chance."
Instead, you block her on all social media (WhatsApp, Facebook, etc.). Radio silence is the norm for a few days or even weeks - and you have to stick to it consistently!
This can cool down your emotions and calm the waves. Both of you can overcome the pain of your separation peacefully, gain a pleasant distance and forgive each other.
And maybe your ex-girlfriend will soon start missing you a bit thanks to the contact block...
Step 2: Take care of yourself
Forget the woman for a while and go your way after the breakup. Talk to buddies and cry your heart out if it helps.
Also, distract yourself in everyday life to overcome the pain of love and leave your girlfriend after she broke up with you.
Just do everything that feels good for you now and that you have neglected in your relationship:
- Meet old friends
- Make wellness
- Travel and Excursions
- Do sports
- Start new professional projects
- Go to concerts
- Getting to know other women without starting anything with them (yes, flirting is also a good distraction and can arouse constructive jealousy in your ex )
- And much more
In general, it can't do any harm at all if you look for new tasks and goals in life. Women love men who have a great mission that they pursue with passion! This increases your chances if you want to get them back later.
Step 3: Post cool pictures!
You can also take photos of your exciting activities and post them in WhatsApp status or on social media platforms where your ex-girlfriend follows you. She will inevitably create another account or use her friend's account to follow your activity.
During the contact blocking period, your ex-girlfriend will then see that you are no longer the boring guy, but leading an interesting life and dealing with your separation with confidence.
This makes you a bit more attractive to her again.
But you should change your personality to develop into the man your girlfriend fell in love with back then or who she currently wants. Find old and new strengths to become attractive to her again!
Step 4: Reconnect with her!
When the time of your contact block is over, you are rid of the lovesickness, and you feel ready, and you can send the ex-girlfriend a message again.
However, avoid all negative topics when you text and call each other. Do NOT mention your failed relationship with ANY word, i.e.:
- Don't ask questions about why she wanted to end it all and broke up with you
- No whining (and indirect accusations) about how badly you felt from sheer lovesickness
- Never start or get involved in discussions or arguments
- Nor did they ask for a debate on their decision to separate
- Don't ask if and which men she has met (smells of jealousy)
Instead, always keep the conversation positive if you want to get your ex-girlfriend back and flirt properly on WhatsApp.
Be relaxed, and in a good mood, and tell her about the exciting things you experienced during your contact block. Demonstrate your newfound masculinity to rekindle her interest!
Also, build up lost trust by subliminally communicating that you've changed and are now a reliable guy.
Does your ex-girlfriend send positive interest signals when you are in contact? You can laugh together again and it feels like it used to be on the phone. Then you can also suggest a (sounding as non-binding as possible!) meeting a few days later.
Step 5: Conquer her on a date!
When you meet, you continue your positive conversations and tell her exciting stories about what interesting things you are doing now.
This immediately puts you in an attractive light and further increases their interest.
But don't get overly romantic on the date. This lets her smell the rat you want to win her back and might turn her off if she's feeling harassed.
Make your date more casual and non-binding, like between buddies.
To top off the day, just pull out your cell phone and show her photos of your activities if she hasn't seen them yet.
And "by accident" there is also a picture of you two as a happy couple in between - a great snapshot that you took on one of your dates back then.
It brings back romantic memories of the past.
If everything has worked out so far, your ex-girlfriend will start to miss the time with you now at the latest. She will regret breaking up with you and will want you back.
On the date, you have the pleasant feeling of being her dream man again, with whom she can imagine a future together. Then start conquering them for a happy new beginning in your relationship!