Why I can't stop thinking about my ex every day, and what should I do? Are you coming out of a breakup? In this case, all types of thoughts are probably going through your mind. What happened? What else could I have done? How do I get my ex back? If you think you want to get your ex back, however, you have to ask yourself an important question: why do I still think about my ex every day?
For you, this question may not mean much. You are sure of it: you keep thinking about your ex, and you want to do everything to get them back. However, it is necessary to think about it carefully: the decision to try to recover your ex should not be taken lightly. In this article, I will thus discuss 10 reasons why you are still thinking about your ex every day and how to stop that.
10 Reasons why you still think about your ex every day
1. You miss being in a relationship
Being in a couple has several significant advantages. When you're in a relationship, you always have someone to talk to. Plus, you don't have to run from one date to another. It's no coincidence that so many people want to be in a relationship. When a love affair ends, you have to relearn how to live without all these advantages.
Perhaps breaking up with your ex made you realize you liked being in a relationship. Being in a relationship that you miss the most. If you are not careful, you may misunderstand and think that it is your ex that you miss. Regretting the benefits of being in a relationship is not the same as wanting your ex back.
If you two were so good, why did you break up?
Now that you are not in a relationship, you not only regret the advantages of being in a relationship but also, emotionally speaking, you forget about the disadvantages as well. There were a lot of negative aspects in your relationship, but you just don't think about it anymore. After a while, you will likely find that the desire to get your ex back gradually diminishes.
Thinking about it, you'll probably see that this isn't a good reason to still think about your ex every day and want them back. Being in a relationship is great, but only if you are with someone who matches you. The issues you and your ex were going through will likely resurface if you get back together. In this case, there is a good chance that your couple will break up again.
2. You're afraid of loneliness
This reason may seem similar to the previous one, but they are two different things. In the situation that I have just described, it is the advantages of being in a relationship that you miss. Here, you may well realize that your relationship was far from perfect. However, you want to get back together with your ex for fear of being alone.
Many people derive their self-esteem from being in a relationship. If the thought of being single scares you, maybe it does. Being in a relationship implies that another person recognizes your worth (otherwise, they wouldn't be with you). When their relationship ends, some people lose all their self-esteem.
When you don't know your worth, you have nothing to offer a partner.
I probably don't need to point out that this mindset isn't very healthy. If you are afraid of being alone, you need to work on yourself. You must learn to draw your self-esteem from other sources. Try to have respect for yourself.
If this is bothering you, talk to a therapist about it. They can help you build your self-esteem if you can't do it alone. Either way, trying to get your ex back wouldn't be a good idea. The fear of finding yourself alone is also not a good reason either.
3. You feel responsible for your separation
There was a time when you and your ex thought you both had a future together. But life wanted it otherwise. You cannot anticipate everything that will happen, and you cannot solve all your problems.
When their relationship breaks up, some people think it's their fault. Sometimes with good reason: if you behaved despicably, you may have contributed significantly to your separation. However, this feeling of guilt can also be unjustified: in most cases, both partners have their share of the responsibility for the breakup.
If you feel responsible for your breakup, getting your ex back might seem like a good way to make up for it. Somehow you think you can erase the bad deeds you blame yourself for if everything goes back to normal. Whether or not your feelings of guilt were justified, that's not a good reason to want your ex back.
Would you want your partner to stay with you just out of guilt?
Feeling guilty is very unpleasant, and I understand that you want to get rid of this feeling. But getting back into a relationship with your ex won't help. Moreover, it would not be laying the foundations for a balanced relationship. A couple must be based on mutual respect, trust, and exchange.
4. You still follow them on social media
Social networks have made it easier for people to follow those they know. This can be a problem. Chances are you're still following them on Facebook and Instagram. You even still share the same friends on the networks. You are always thus confronted with their publications and old photos of the two of you.
So the answer to the question of " why do I still think about my ex every day" seems obvious since you haven't completely gotten them out of your life. What you see has a significant influence on how you think.
How you will get your ex out of your mind if you keep checking out their Instagram page whenever you have time?
In this case, what to do is to avoid looking for your ex. Practicing this restraint is essential, otherwise, he may come back to hurt you more when you see that they have evolved without you and perhaps in the arms of another.
5. You miss sex
This reason may remind you of reason #1: you miss being in a relationship. However, that is not what I am referring to here. Many people don't regret all aspects of being in a relationship. Truth be told, the single life suits them very well on many levels. But one thing leads them to want their ex back: as a couple, they (almost) always had someone to have sex with.
For most people, having sex is a basic necessity. When you're in a relationship, it's much easier to have sex. After a breakup, things get a bit more complicated. Getting your ex back can then seem like an easy solution.
However, that's not a good reason to want your ex back. And deep down, you know it very well. If you want to be in a relationship only for sex, you are nothing but sex friends. This isn't a problem in itself, but then neither of you must make up your mind.
A couple based on sex is not a couple.
You should get used to the idea that sex will be less frequent. After a while, you will be able to meet other potential partners. There are many people who, like you, are looking for sex above all else. This solution is much better than running after your ex.
6. You miss your ex's personality
So far, I've only mentioned bad reasons to miss your ex. However, there are also very good reasons to always think about your ex. These reasons can sometimes justify wanting to get your ex back. This is particularly the case if it is the personality of your ex that you miss.
A balanced relationship is based on mutual admiration and trust. For this, appreciating the personality of the other is essential. If that's how you still feel about your ex and they still have feelings for you, you still have the foundation for a happy relationship. In this case, it may be worth giving your couple a chance.
Would you want to be in a relationship with your ex if you had met them last week?
It is a very good start! But remember: you are not in your ex's head. You may regret the personality of your ex, you do not know if these feelings are mutual. You will need to reconnect with your ex to find out where you are. I can't guarantee that your ex feels the same way about you.
7. You think you had no reason to break up
Although it sounds like it, it's not the same as feeling guilty about the separation. You may think, in hindsight, that you could have overcome your problems with better communication. In other words, you think you shouldn't have broken up. This is a very good reason why you still think about your ex every day and want to get them back.
This presumption must be well founded. Having the vague idea that your problems could have been solved is not enough. You must know the real reasons for your breakup. Also, you need to have an idea of how you can avoid these problems in the future.
If you don't work on your problems, it won't work the second time either.
In addition, it is important that the previous reason also comes into play: you must appreciate the personality of your ex. So it's not enough to ask yourself if you can save your couple this time, but also if you want to be with this person. Also, your ex should be just as willing as you to solve your problems.
8. You still love your ex
If the question of "why do I still think about my ex every day" can't get out of your mind, chances are you still have feelings for them. It seems obvious, but it is not always easy to face the reality. Constantly thinking about a person usually happens when you are still in love.You can't get this person out of your head with the snap of a finger. They may have played an influential role in your life. It is hard to let go of someone you love and with whom you shared so many precious memories. Since they are no longer by your side, you take refuge in the memories that fill this space.
Your feelings of love for your ex make you stand still.
These memories even make you want to call them sometimes, tell them you're sorry, and that you'll do anything to get them back, even when the problem wasn't yours. These are exactly the measures to avoid, especially if you want to get back to them one day. To move on or be more lucid in your actions, the best way to stop thinking about them is to fill that space with someone or something else you love.
9. You have an existential void in your life
You still think about your ex every day because your life is empty, boring, and without goals. You cling to happy memories of the past because you have no social relationships, passions, or goals in your life other than getting your ex back. This is why I advise on the need to resocialize and set new goals to break with your past.
Having a full or filling life allows you to stop thinking about your ex. When you are busy, you end up forgetting your agony and heartache. On the other hand, if you stay on your couch waiting, you will inevitably think about your ex and the couple breaking up.
If your life is without goals, then you do not deserve to be with the one you love
So, take back the reins of your life! To do this, fill your life with outings, cast off the moorings, and set sail towards more radiant goals.
10. You unconsciously refuse to move forward
Finally, the tenth point that can explain "why do I still think about my ex every day?" is the refusal to move forward in one's life, to step out of one's comfort zone. I know this observation will not please you. However, you have to believe that your unconscious refuses to let you turn the page and likes to stay stuck in the past.
If you prefer, your subconscious finds an excuse to remain on standby in your life. You are on break and you always resume the same sequence without ever wanting to progress in the film. As a result, your mind remains obsessed with your ex. This is why you want to convince them to get back together.
You must control your subconscious mind to make a fresh start
But, what you call love is maybe procrastination to stop moving forward in your life. Yes, I admit it. It is hard, a separation. Breakups are rarely joyful and can hurt. Seeing the person you love and with whom you have shared so far, their life breaks the emotional relationship and causes suffering and often resentment.
How to stop thinking about your ex?
Before starting anything, you must already understand one thing: you must never take your thoughts literally, and you must take a step back and analyze them to understand them and act in the right direction.
You are also in a situation where you are acting emotionally, however, you will have to put your emotions aside and act rationally, or else you will remain in this situation indefinitely.
Wanting to stop thinking about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend implies that you are looking for a solution to forget them permanently and preferably quickly.
To stop thinking about your ex, you must already understand why you think about this person all the time.
And for that, nothing could be simpler thanks to this exercise:
Take a quiet moment for yourself, open the “notes” application on your phone, or take a pen and a piece of paper and write down all the thoughts that go through your head about your ex and your breakup.
Once you have emptied your mind of your thoughts, analyze them one by one as in the 2 examples just below.
Again, your thoughts do not define reality: they are just thoughts.
You must only dwell on thoughts that make sense to your situation, thoughts that upset your emotions.
Example 1 - Thinking about your ex because of loneliness
I can't stop thinking about my ex because I feel lonely.
For what?
Because I have no one to confide in when things are going badly.
For what?
Because my ex was the only person I had a close relationship with.
You will very often see the example of loneliness on this site because it is a common point that many of us have after a breakup and that living without your ex is not easy at the beginning: love and feelings are always very present among others.
The takeaway here, for example, is to understand that it's not your ex that's the problem, it's your loneliness anxiety.
And this is the most important point, which I constantly defend and which will allow you to heal from your breakup: if you don't stop thinking about your ex every day, and you can't forget them despite the time happening, it's because this person filled a lot of things for you, things that you probably don't suspect yet.
We often want to get back together with our ex subconsciously thinking that it will ease our suffering when in reality our ex as a person has nothing to do with our suffering.
Example 2 - Thinking about your ex as a couple
I think of my ex every day and imagine them in a relationship with someone else.
For what?
Because I don't want to see them with anyone other than me.
For what?
Because that would mean that I wasn't good enough in the relationship, that this person is better than me.
So it's not your ex the problem, but a lack of self-esteem, because you think you weren't good enough in the relationship for example.
You will then have to analyze why you think you were not good enough in the relationship, and you will have to write down each moment that appears in your mind when you ask yourself the following question:
Why do I think I hadn't been good enough in the relationship?
Very often, we have false beliefs about the proper functioning of a couple, and we think that we have not been good enough when we have been more than good enough.
FAQ
Is it normal to think about your ex every day?
It is normal to think about your ex every day, especially if the relationship was meaningful and lasted for a long time. You may still be dealing with unresolved feelings or issues from the relationship. It is important to take time to heal your emotions and to understand why you can't stop thinking about your ex. It may be helpful to talk to a therapist or a trusted friend to help you work through your feelings.
Why do I still think about my ex after 2 years?
It is normal to think about an ex after a breakup, even after two years. Breakups can be difficult, and it can take time to heal and move on. It is necessary to turn the page and focus on yourself.
How long do you need to stop thinking about your ex?
How long it takes to get over your ex depends on just three things: how much you want to get over them, how long you've been with your ex, and your current situation. If you have an emotional dependency, for example, healing can take much longer.