It can be very confusing when your ex reads your messages but doesn't reply. You wonder if you wrote something wrong or they're mad at you.
The worst thing is the uncertainty and how to react to it... If you keep texting them, it could annoy them and lead to them blocking you.
If you were important to them, they would never forget to respond to you, and that shows how they currently feel about you: they need distance from you.
Your messages do not affect them and leave no lasting impression. They used to reply to you immediately, but their interest in you will continue to wane with each message if you don't change your ways.
It's not their duty to respond to you and make you feel important to them. You need to increase your attraction, and that takes more than a few funny texts that you consider flirting.
Ask yourself the following questions:
Do you think they would "forget" to respond to you if you were the person of their dreams to get back together with?
With whom do they want to spend every minute, and who do they think about when they lie awake in bed alone at night?
No matter what happened between you or why they don't respond to you, one thing is clear:
You have to act differently than before, otherwise you will lose them forever!
You broke up because they were no longer attracted to you, and if you continue as you have been, nothing will change that.
What does that mean? You need to evolve and learn how to properly seduce them with charm, wit, and determination.
Doesn't your ex reply to your message because they don't care about you? Maybe, but maybe you just need to change your tactics... And this is what you will discover in this article.
Why is my ex reads my messages but doesn't reply?
The most common reasons why your ex doesn't respond are as follows:
- You picked the wrong time.
- They're still too mad at you.
- Your message was inappropriate.
Let's take a closer look at each reason in turn.
Reason #1: Wrong timing
When you're texting, it's important to try to get the timing right. If your ex is on vacation with friends or their family over the holidays, then they are emotionally more busy with other things and not very open to your messages.
Even if they're at work (or school), your message will have little impact because they're just skimming over what you've written to them.
You should consider when they relax and usually gets a bit nostalgic, for example in the evening when they are quietly watching TV and is on their smartphone anyway.
Catching a time when they feel lonely and relaxed can do wonders for getting your message across.
Sending them a desperate message at night is rarely helpful. If your message is the first thing they see in the morning and they wake up in a bad mood, they may react annoyed to your message simply because of their bad mood and not responding to you at all.
Try to put yourself in their shoes and choose the best time, then the chances of your ex reading your message and replying to you increase enormously. There is no one-size-fits-all solution for this, and you should trust your instincts much more when the time is right and when they might miss you.
Reason No. 2: Their anger towards you is (still) too great
After a breakup, most people experience a lot of anger and disappointment. It is also often the case that there are days when they can accept the breakup, while on other days when they have other problems, you are again the enemy and the reason for their bad mood.
When they are angry, they block all conversations and ignore you because they know how to behave when they get angry, and you can feel all their anger. In this case, it might be better if they don't respond to your message.
Similar to the right time to text them, their emotional state is enormously decisive, as how they take a message from you and the effect your words have on them.
They're still struggling with their emotions and don't know how to deal with you, and in this case, it's better to give them the time they need before you push them to get a reply.
The more you try to get closer and connect with an angry ex, the more repellent they will become, and your bond with one another suffers another rupture.
For you and your ex, the breakup was painful, and they need more time to get their anger at you under control because they might even blame themselves for how your relationship ended.
Give them more time, and don't try to get to say it all "just one last time" because they are not interested in that right now, and you should accept that. There will also come a time when they will be more open to you, and you can text and talk to them normally. Stay patient.
Reason #3: Your message was bad
One of the most common reasons why an ex won't reply is because of the message itself. The connection you had in the relationship with each other is quite different after the breakup.
In a relationship, a message like “Hey, how are you? What are you doing right now?" to be evaluated completely differently than after a separation. The fact that you are no longer together changes every interaction between the two of you.
While a quick text or question in a relationship is normal, and they feel obligated to respond in some way, after the breakup, it can even be seen as an attack or dismissed as a clumsy attempt to undo everything between you.
Writing like you're still in a relationship can be fatal and provocative to your ex because they feel attacked and underappreciated.
Your ex must be curious about what you do and what you have to say. You can hardly achieve that with a one-liner that contains little. They will see your message as meaningless and will not feel obligated to reply to you.
You should already have a specific reason to text them and slowly get in touch with them again. It takes a little more than a simple text message that they get from everyone else.
"My ex doesn't respond immediately and takes their time, what's the point?"
Your reaction alone should tell you how emotionally dependent you are on your ex. You indirectly give them power over how you feel.
- If they take their time to respond or don't text you back at all, you'll get mad because you think they have to respond.
- You are disappointed in them and wonder how it could come to the point that they keep distancing themselves.
By now you should have understood how little it is worth chasing after your ex. They must also be interested in getting in touch with you and miss you.
Almost every contact after the breakup has probably been about you, and you can see how it has developed: They take more and more time to respond because they feel how much pressure and tension you are creating.
You set expectations and want to tell them how to behave... of course, they don't respond immediately but show you indirectly that you are wrong with your expectations of them.
"Why isn't my ex replying to my birthday texts?"
It always depends on how your current relationship with each other is and how your separation went.
If you have a good relationship and the separation went reasonably harmoniously, then there is certainly no bad intention on their part.
If you broke up in an argument and then didn't have anything to do with each other anymore, they deliberately ignores you. You wanted to show a nice gesture with the text message, but the wounds are still too fresh for her.
Don't worry too much about why they aren't responding or read too much into it. It can be an accident, your message has gone missing or pure intention.
The important thing is that you did nothing wrong and took the first step towards them. The next step should come from them.
"My ex doesn't respond after blocking contact, doesn't they want any more contact?"
If they don't respond to you after blocking contact, your message was probably too early, or they're already decided against you.
The first contact after the breakup is never easy because there is so much uncertainty and indecisiveness in the room. They are overwhelmed by the moment and are not ready to talk to you openly and honestly.
"My ex doesn't respond to a meeting request, was I early?"
There is no precise time when meeting up makes sense for both of you. Some ex-couples get back together quickly for a chat, and others need a few weeks to get ready to meet up.
Accept their decision and give them more time to figure out how they feel. They now know that you would like to meet them and will meet you when they feel ready.
Don't take their response personally, because there can be many reasons why they didn't answer you.
Even if you feel the need to ask, don't. You stretched out your hand, and now it's up to them how much they still care about you.
Read also: Ex-girlfriend Wants to Meet Up: 14 Best Things to Do
What to do if your ex doesn't reply to you - 3 scenarios
Even if you are disappointed at first that your ex does not respond and you almost want to give up, it is necessary to keep an eye on the background and your relationship with each other.
Depending on how your current relationship is with each other, their reaction has a different meaning to which you should react differently.
- How did your breakup go?
- Was it a while ago that you broke up, or is it still fresh?
- Did you keep in touch after the breakup or not at all?
- Did you have a clarifying conversation, or is a lot still unclear?
All of these questions are important to consider, and the following 3 fundamentally different scenarios. Read through the scenarios and learn how to proceed in each situation.
1. You're still on good terms with your ex
If you still get along well with your ex and your separation went smoothly, it doesn't matter if they don't respond once. It's possible that they didn't get a push message or just skimmed your message and forgot to reply.
In this case, do not react defiantly, but remain calm and wait. You shouldn't make a drama out of it or think they're specifically not replying, you're doing yourself a disservice.
If you have a good relationship, you can message them again after a day without hesitation, and they will surely respond to you. It is important not to appear needy or pushy, otherwise, they will quickly become annoyed, and you will lose your close bond.
2. There are still problems between you and your ex
If you have a strained relationship, your ex may want to avoid an awkward conversation. They have read your message but don't want to write anything wrong or are afraid of being overwhelmed with accusations from you.
Use their behavior as an opportunity to gain some distance and let the grass grow over it. Sometimes both of you should sort out your feelings and have a quiet talk sometime in a few days or weeks.
A separation usually creates emotional chaos, and it is only through a contact ban that you both see the relationship from a different perspective. The more you try to keep in touch and get rid of anything unclear, the more they distance themselves from you.
They make it clear to you that they are not interested in texting you at the moment, and you should accept that. Give them space, and they will appreciate it. You must never put too much pressure on a person, or you will lose them forever.
The side effect is this: you show them that you can go on living normally independently of them, which is very attractive to most people, and you also allow them to miss you.
3. You have already sent them several messages
Regardless of how you feel about each other, if you send a message and they don't respond, leave it at that. Nothing is more restrictive and creates unnecessary pressure than receiving several messages in short succession.
If you send them one or more messages after an unanswered message, then you are signaling to your ex exactly what you want to avoid: "I make my well-being dependent on you, please pay attention to me."
If you ever want to win your ex back, learn to focus on your own life and create in them a desire to be a part of it.
Conclusion
In most cases, if your ex reads your messages but doesn't respond, it's a sign that they want to distance themself from you. If they were just sad, they would at least text you on Whatsapp instead of not responding.
You should accept their decision and not send them more messages hoping that they will reply to you. What you can achieve with further messages is to increase their anger until they even block you at some point.
Also, texting them too soon after the breakup or trying to talk to them through text messages is more likely to increase their defensiveness.
They need distance from you, but it's high time you let go of your emotional dependency on them because you are, even if you would deny it.
You can only apologize to them once if you've made really big mistakes, and then just let it sink in. Whether they accept your apology or continue to ignore you is at their discretion, and no further messages or declarations of love will change that - at least not at the moment.